Dylan

A friend of mine happen to live with somebody who’s very stimulating, who often ask very deep philosophical questions that are very hard to answer. Like his partner will walk into the kitchen see him and go

Actors are dreadful people most of the time. I mean I did a little bit of acting before. From what I can tell is that it's strange, strange job. The strangest thing about it is that, it's incredibly easy and you can do anything and be a complete moron all day long, and then you go to interviews to talk about how difficult it is.

Alcohol and sex are are quite sensible choices for holiday obviously. Cause I don't smoke weed, cause it's tedious, everything becomes so routine. You take marijuana, you stay there for 9 hours, going "Hahaha~" And then you run out "Hahaha~" you gonna have to go and buy more. It is endless cycle repetition, I don't get it. But you know, you can get addicted to all kinds of thing, except tea or religion.

All these systems that failed, the Westminster, the Expenses, the Catholic churches that dishonoured, the banks that collapsed... Well, banks didn't really collapse, cause the government came out and says, "Oh, we deal with all that." And then they went up to banks, they said "Oh~~ you guys! You're just like you were in college, yeah. Close the hospital." And now the media is falling apart after fake news and Internet.

All those pressures of life, all the places, all the time, that we want to get away from, but how do you do it? How can you escape?

All woman during the day are freezing, because the all calories in their bodies are "poo~" burnt out by knowing everything about everybody around them inside 2 mile radius. And to make it worse, everybody they're living with is clueless zombie.

All women are hot, scientifically. They’re hot, because they all regulate their body temperature in a totally different way to men. Now, this might sounds like science fiction, but evidently, during the day, all women all over the world, are freezing. There’s a reason for this. It’s got to do with information processing.

American's colonial style is totally different, far more insidious. Cause the empire is running on a completely different basis.

Americans are particularly anti-French, so we've been taught. They've built this whole vision of French as weak, cheese-eating, surrender monkeys. They invented the bloody phrase, which is kind of good, but that entirely plagued into this image of soft, sensual, pleasure loving French. The kind of attitude like, it's not going to war, because they all still in bed two clock afternoon, with the sheets coiled about their knees, lying there, scratching themselves, sipping wine with their tongues, basking in self-conguratulation, just before one of them sloughs off the sheet to pad around the kitchen naked. No, not naked actually, but naked from the waist down, just to emphasis their nake-dity. Picking up yesterday's Croissant crumbs with their sweaty feet, slashing yesterday's paintings.

Americans usually respond to anti-Americanism with a fairly anti-European sentiment particularly against French. Donald Trump is their face of administration said that he didn't want to deal with old European. He's far more interesting in new Europe. Now he wasn't interest in old Europe, he's talking about two ancient civilisations France and Germany. And the new Europe he's talking about are places like Scrivania, Valvonia, Trovoviya. Places where tractors are ministers, and people would sit down for dinner circle around a boiled radiator. Places that are not that rich really, people are going to do whatever American says, because they are hoping one day to see a photograph of port of jam.

And it's fairly amazing to think of the ludicrous, the taboos that persist amongst us, informed, intellegent, able people, yeah. Just from biology for all those years, cause it is still a difficult thing to talk about menstruation with women. If you're male, you'll find this out as a young man very quickly. Like you talk to somebody, and you say "Listen, listen, I agree with everything you've carved on the kitchen table, I do. I really really do. But would you think it's possible that you may feel this way, is perhaps, because of your pipiya~~~"

And of course, money is very important in its own right, cause been a grown up that you've all got some money now, or you know somebody who does. It's all about been hip and getting some stuff. You need stuff in your life, you need to fill your life up with all kinds of stuff, very very important. Yeah, other people may have nicer stuff sometime, and you'll need to go around their houses and say "Yeah, your stuff… yeah... I like your stuff. I got my stuff from Vinnies."

Australia is a NewWorld and the other part of the NewWorld is America. People still think America got lot of promises, dreams, even though, we all felt bit funny about America now. Well, just a bit. I think the reason that happened, all that bad feelings about America, is part from everything that they've done.

Apparently English people like making uninformed, prejudicial, remarks about German people and Germany, totally ignorant, bigoted. Cause they know nothing about it, that's why they feel free to insult it. And because they're English, absolutely bigoted. They say because Germany is a toilet, a truly dreadful place that nobody ever has any reason to go there. Totally dreadful place, that's just the way it is.

Apparently younger generation in educational system are panic about jobs and what’s gonna happen out there. They get freaked out, cause all the exams, stress, all that curriculum stuff.

As I sometimes unstoppably eating, I started deluding myself as well. Cause you can tell yourself it’s the culture. It’s just part of the cultural things. You can pretend it’s culturally sophisticated by having a lot of cheese and wine and asking where are they call come from. Yah! That's what I do, get a big pile of stinky cheese there going, “Oh, where is this cheese from?” Who cares where the fuck it’s from. It’s on the fucking table in front of you now! People are dying, ice-caps are melting, just eat the shit before we kills us all, will you? “No! I have to know where it's all come from... What? the Tasmania Cave Cows, Oh, I love them, they’re so musical. Thank you so much indeed. Yam..”

Australia is a ridiculous place, located three quarters of a mile from the surface of the sun. People audibly crackling while walking down the street under the heat. That's why Australians do barbecue, cause you don't need to cook somewhere like that. You can just bring the sausage out, fling them on washing line, they'll burst into flame. It's not a place supposed to be inhabited. And when they're not doing BBQ, they fling themselves into the sea, which is inhabited almost exclusively by creatures designed to kill you, sharks, jellyfishes, swimming knives, they're all in there.

Australia is a totally inhabitable place, cause it's only about three quarters a mile from the surface of the sun. I have seen insects walking around with knee pads, people audibly cracking while they walking under the heat, that's why people do barbecue here, cause you don't need to cook, just fling the steak on washing line they'll eventual burst into flames. So bloody hot people have to throw themselves into the sea, where it is full of jelly fish, sharks, swimming knife, almost exclusively things that designed to kill you. But people still come here.

Australia is in forefront of global warming, climate changing situation. And we've got the real weather here, the dramatical weather that you open front door to find everything might have relocated about two and half miles further down the road in the flood.

Australia is part of the NewWorld as the other part is normally regarded as America. And people still think that NewWorld got lot of promises, even though, we all felt a bit funny about Americans now, well, just a bit. I think the reason that happened, all that bad feeling about American comes from everything that they've done. It's because American stupid people sounds stupider than every other kind of stupid person. Some idiots are worth put up with, but Americans are just annoying sometimes, because they say, “Well you know…” Well, this is talking about one of those terrible incidences that happens every other day in America. He says “Well, you know, I was there. And the guy come in, and he had, you know, like a gun... And then he was shooting... and then you know, everybody else was totally dead." When you heard interview like this, you think, that sounds a little divorced from reality somehow.

Australians really, are all came from Irish prisoners. And that because English people sent them here a long long time ago. Cause English are very good at things like founding colonies. It must because of the voice, that English voice.

Because you see, most modern technology doesn't work. It's supposed to free you, but it's a terrible trap, of course. All those smartphones, everybody has one now, I have one, they’re fucking awful, completely ruined appropriate human communication. You know people ring you up and say "Hi, it's me. I'm in the bath!" and you think, "Well, why the fuck you calling me from a bath tub, I've just running milk in the house, and you are still an asshole, I'd hope you drown." but you say "Hello! haven't heard you for while"

Believe me, I've tried to like rap music, and it makes me feel my soul is very very old. I've tried to have shower with Eminem, couldn't do it. I understand Blues music, all those wonderful stories, about people who's been disenfranchised, like “He ain't got nothing, they take that away too! He hasn't even got a guitar, he is playing with his fucking belly button over here!" All those wonderful names, like "Blind Dead McJohns."

Britain is possibly the only remaining empire. Well, least was an empire once, actually a great empire, very impressively commandeered and sequestered from the rest of the world, in a great style as well. Their style of conquering is rather straightforward, just ship in and march on South Africa or Australia and say to local people "You, you, and you Fuck Off, we’re having tiffin here." And aborigines sort going "OK, all right, they're having lunch, we better off now. That's fine." It took fucking centuries for people come and go "Hang on a minute! We live here!"

But Australians are really came from Irish prisons. And that was because English sent them here a long, long time ago. And the English are very good at that, you know, founding colonies and so on. A lot of it just because of the voice, the English voice. You never see Irish people starting a colony and so on. Cause they wouldn't turn up on time. English would say 'We'll go over there. It’s got loads of stuff. Are you coming on boat tomorrow?' The Irish guy will say, 'Well, yeah, OK. I'll just go and meet my brother for a quick drink, and pick up some knitting things... I will be there, surely....' You know they will never fucking show up.

Now religion is not really around that much anymore. Most of people are very pleased that religion doesn’t exist for them, especially, secular people. They are delighted, and thrilled to themselves, about their material view of everything - congratulating themselves in a queue outside the Apple Store that lights up George street the way that churches used to do. Filing in there feeling ashamed as they shuffling in, because they are still having the old phone, and they are there to be taught how they could be liberated by genius priests in black with their piercings, pony tails to explain how the new pocket altar will release them from their earthly burden.

Children are very good at needing things, and that triumphs wanting. Because children have weird needs. Not many people know this until they've got children. They need pets, it’s not a impulse or fanciful desire, they're positively need pets. It took me years to realised pets are actually good for the child.

Children are very very over-sentimentalise, really. Of course they are! All the mini mini mini stuff, you know, all the necessities they have that just goes on and on, and on. Children who need another biscuit; Children who want their own jeep; Children in need. When is the last time you've seen a child who wasn't in need? When is the last time a child says to you, "Actually, that's enough chocolate for me. Thanks, I'm just gonna go and clear your car, OK?"

Children sleeping in your bed is part of having children. It's very important for a child's development to sleep in a grown-up's bed. Because their bones are growing in particular directions. But I think, what really happened is that children are actually very sophisticated, they sleep in your bed for a reason, right. After the child born, he takes a look around and thinks "Well, this isn't quite what I'd hoped for. These people are idiots! I wouldn't have painted the house like this, I don't. But I'm gonna make the best out of it. So how do I do it? I'm gonna maximise my resources, the key thing to achieve this is to stop these people have any more children."

Children sometimes can be incredibly difficult to understand as a grown up. You forget that you were a child. Something simple like child go to bed, you say, "Bed time, bed time, bed time!" But that's not what the child hears. What the child heard you saying is "Lie down in the dark! For hours! And don't move! I’m locking the door now."

Common Wealth Games, as if it's restoring glory of the only remaining empire. Britain, yeah, they had an empire once, they did had a great empire, impressively commandeered and sequestered the rest of the world with a great style. English people just sailed around global and marched up and say "You, you, and you Fuck Off, we’re having a tiffin." And everybody sort of just went "All right, I'd better be off now, it's dinner time. That's fine." It took centuries for people came up and say "Hang on a minute! We live here!"

Constantly news about crises. Some major crises are always somewhere in the world all the time, you know the rolling news culture we’re living in. Financial crisis, immigration crisis, health crisis... but all these crises are easy come and easy go. The whole point of these crises on news is for you to forget the ultimate crisis of your own, that crisis never changes.

Despite what's on the news, people still have this idea that America is the promised land. Somewhere like California, where everything is fruitful and abundant, but Arnold Schwarzenegger was the governor of California.

Do you realise though, that Australia was a fucking jail. And it is still a jail, all people here are prisoners. Obviously people here have done wonderful things about the jail, but they don't like talk it, about very sensitive about it. They want forget the past, move on into the future, just like every other country that had a suspicious history. But undeniably, it is a bloody jail for it took fucking time-zones to get to any other civilised place.

Don't get feminist on me. Look, I'm not feminist, cause I'm a man, I'm not qualified. I cannot be a feminist just like most women. If women were serious about feminism, they can have everything feminist talk about getting. Equal Pay, yeah, you can have that tomorrow, if women will give up bitching about one another for 5 minutes, which just seems to be impossible. Not for four, not for three, not for two, not for one.

Don't they always say that Irish people have the reputation of being charming. Of course, they do, believe it or not. But do you know all that is about? It’s because they never give you the truth. If you say to an Irish 'Where is the chair I asked you to make me?' They'll go “Emm... My brother, he had a fine singing voice, but he fell down a hole once. Have you met my sister? Here, have a sausage." They just simply don't answer your question.

Driving is incredibly aggressive thing. I learnt to drive much older than I should, not cause I'm a lousy driver, but because I get nervous for not be able to swear properly. You learn very very quickly that driving is mostly about swearing actually. That's all you do, swearing in a box with wheels. Cause you don't swear like that at any other activities in your day. You don't allow yourself. But It's OK when you driving for some reason.

English are the people who had empire, three cornered hats, long straws, everybody walking around says, "Spot gold mine in South Africa, we need import more cats. Where are we invading now?" And they still doing that, still bombing countries that have nothing, while they're having everything, heated towel rails, nipple rings, shortbread, and Nando's or whatever. And you are bombing countries have sand! That's all they have.

English are very good at funding colonies, claiming territories and so on, because they have that voice. English can go anywhere in the world, doesn't matter if it's Africa or Australia, their conversation with indigenous people typically goes like this.

English can understand a little bit of most Romans languages. You know, French, Spanish, or Germany. But the Slavic languages, your language is very mysterious, quite enigmatic in a way. I was in Russia recently. I thought I have couple of words in Russian expression, cause I found myself saying “Moshna chai?” you know, from what I've been told it means "Can I have cup of tea?". And then people come up to me and they go, "@#$%" And then they give you a shoe.

English don't give a shit, they're not bailing anybody out, it's the English mind, you don't give a fuck. English made up their minds about the whole world long before second world war. Cause England was an empire, people still remember the rule Britannia, what Britain did, rule the waves before it became a permanently mourned prisoner boat full of disaffected. And now, they're rather inflated. Britain used to be an empire and now becomes the 11th nation that everybody in the world laughs at.

English long ago decided what made of Welsh. They always laugh at noble Welsh people, all these beautiful people, cause English mind hold them as modern, inbred, trolls, liable to burst into singing a song at any time, and they're all short legged and smelly. That's what English thinks, isn't it?

English people still have this class system. they love to have little boxes to put people in . You know, they have aristocratic people, the kind of people who likely to have only four sets of teeth, nobody understand what they say. They all live in big drafted house, smell of wet spaniels.

Europe is in a crisis, it's in a migration crisis, economic crisis, religious crisis. There’re wars, people are dying, fighting for freedom and governments are killing them. But inside the civilisation down under, all we really have is just the financial crisis. A lot of young people out there, come out of university, come out to work, they’re looking for jobs. Like I said, lots of youth, do immigrate. There’s a big tradition of that in Eastern countries, just like that was in back in Scotland.

Everybody is in the same position, looking for, trying to looking for something, or anything in fact, to believe in.

Everybody on this planet is learning English, which is great for me. But there’s a particular kind of English that they’re learning. It is the American English a lot of time, even my Scottish nephew speaks American English. Last time I said to him "What're you gonna do on Saturday?" And he says “I'm will be with my friends." As if it's just one word.

Everyone wants to believe in something. The English word, “Believe", means be-lieve, Okay. See, it means to be held dear, to be loved. That's all, to be loved. You hold something dear if you love it, you hold it dear to your heart. And when people get offended by races, nations, religions, the reason people get upset is because they felt what you're really saying to them is that they're not worth of love, they're unlovable.

Everything is misrepresented on screen, women particularly. That's where lot of young men been taught about the concept of Hot babes, and eventually they all end up sat around going...

Everything is politics really. Even talking to another person can be termed as politics. You can even find politics in romantic relationships. Yeah! Love itself is kind of like terrorism, very aggressive thing. You know, when you fall in love with somebody for the first time, or in the earlier stage of relationship with somebody, you sort of terrorise one another. Expressions like, "I love you so much! I want to rip your spine out, so that I can move in."

Ex-fucking-cuse me, would you please stop taking pictures on your tiny annoying fucking camera? This is happening to you in real time. You’re having the experiences as of right now, not much a point trying to record having you've been here or not while you’re still actually here, is it?

Experimental eating is what I've been doing when I wasn't smoking. I did some hand-writing as well, cause you have to do something with your hands, you know, you can’t masturbate all day long, that’s not possible. Well, it’s easier if you’re a woman, you can just hook yourself up to a clock radio or something, wait until it goes DING, and you done. If you’re a guy it’s much more complicated. you have to get a pole and robes, secure the parameters and stuff, I don’t want get involve all that shit.

Reason that teenagers don't listen to fathers is because to them, fathers are not even considered people in families. They’re not. A big force, Yes? They maybe elemental force, but not person.

Holiday flight is where you start building up the enjoyable bit, while you actually being up in the air. If you have family, or if you are with children, you’ll get to see the young person you used to be, he’d be sitting a few rolls ahead of you, always oblige you by turning around and giving you that scowling look. Cause your children reacting to air pressure is expressing themselves by going "Bayi bayi ba~". So he look around disapprovingly, as though, you have to acquit that look and go "Oh~ sorry, I'll slit their throat." But after all, you paid for the business and you’re busy busy guy aren't you?

French are really good at pleasure. I remember walking around Paris seen a bakery, a boulangerie, you know, which is great fun, even just go in and see these sexy eatables. So, I went in, a childish desire urged me to get a cake. So I end up with a paper bag full of those chocolate coated éclairs. And then on street, I was get bumped into by a friend who's very talkative for some reason, as I was just about get bored of his stories, I took a bite of the éclair. Oh my god, it was sensational almost like an orgasm. And I have to tell the guy to shut-up and go away. And I look at this éclair, this cake, I figure I could book a room with it and go “Where you from, What kind of music you into, Come on!" That is the proper serious pleasure.

French are the best when it comes to pleasure. Last time in Paris I remember walking by a bakery, a bloulangerie, they even had a fucking word for chocolate based bakery, which is fun to even go in and browse. I went in, the girl's smile is nice. That desire made me want to get a cake. "Give me one of those bum shaped Éclair, please." I end up saying.

Friend of mine just got a new dog, I went to his place and saw this fluffy Italian couch, I went try to sit down this wolly fluffy Italian coach, it shietted on me. And then he came over going, “Oh! You found the dog! You found the dog...”

Friend's kid will come to him and say, "Dad, I want an ice cream.” And he says, "Have you cleaned your room. Look, you have to clean your room. That's how it works, work and reward. Go and clean your room.” And then kid goes, "Yeah, but I just want a small one.” “No! Clean your room first.” “Yeah, but look, just a little tiny one, just one scoop of ice cream. Doesn't need a cone or anything, I'll running around it... Come on Dad~" "No! I'm getting headache, we've spoke about this before." "Would you like a ice cream?" "Well, I would, actually quite like a ice cream right now." "Give me the money, I’ll get it for you." "There you go. Thank you. I’ll clean your room." This is how to explain to a kid how it works.

Gender-stereotype is this idea, that women are hugely, uncontrollably emotional, and men are not. Everyone knows about PMS, right. Now the myth is that, it's so odd that only women who experience this. And man embraces this whole idea going, "Oh, you're so irrational, you're so crazy, you're women, you just so unpredictable and wild. I have to cope with you, like you're some sort of crazy child, never know what's gonna happen around you. And I'm just so dependable and stable, I'm like a library, I never change. I'm like an old tree... it's just me... Oh... dealing with you... Oh... my goodness... I’m so much in pain..."

Generally speaking doctors are rude even though they have really good service nowadays, with the technology and so on. It is a great idea. Cause you go on a computer, you pick up the phone, and you go "Ah~", then they have to guess what's wrong with you. You don't have to see them. But what I really wanted is just, you know, like somebody, any person, that I trust at other end of the phone to give you a straightforward answers to simple questions, such as "Listen, I'm out, been drinking pretty steadily for last two days. I have a huge lump inside of my head. The alcohol doesn't seems to work now. Is there anything else I can try?" "Is it always bad when you found smell of bacon in you urine, just tell me straight, OK?"

Got to be honest about pleasure, cause if you’re not straightforward on what makes you happy, you'll go strange, turn into one of those freaks, people who have hobbies, You know, the kind of guy you don't see them for three weeks, and then they come out, going: "Look, it's the Taj Mahal!" and you think "No, It's not, put the fucking thing away. I don't want see any plate you've glued in your bathroom, stay away from me, you fucking weirdo. Don't bring up that horse made of your own hair. Just keep it away, will you?"

Guys tends to get funny when they approach middle-age, they get into things. You know, a hobby or something. "Yeah, I've always interested in woodworks, I just didn't say anything about it until now. I need to go to be with my big lump of wood..." Or a car, go and buy himself a silly little car, a bright-coloured car that nobody else can fit inside and they pretend they can drive it around with their own penis.

Gym people always talk up about potentials, but for my sanity, don't even touch the fucking idea! Don't open the door. Cause you won't be like that! All you gonna end up getting would be some apartment with one tiny grey starving little cat with diarrhoea, sitting on a mattress-less bed, with its huge eyes meowing at you. "Miao~~". And an unforeseen landlady untangling her popsocks at background. Then you're this terrible guy, in the colour of aubergine, emerge yourself from a dark corner, holding a mug of beer wearing a string vest going "where are the chips?". That's your fucking potential!

Have you ever heard Australians talking about the whole bikie problems, which is as far as I am concern, a kind of problem about language. Now, most people obviously on motorcycles are just enjoy the riding, It's very good place to be, a great country to see from a bike. Cause riders get exciting about other people's bikes, they go, "Oh, look! There's another one of mine." And it goes on for ages in Sydney and Melbourne. And then you get a few people, who happen to have motorcycles, but who are also mainly violent lunatics, who would be violent lunatics if they had a kit, or just a rubber duck, they will still be insane.

Have you ever read Frankenstein? The book by Mary Shelley, a woman. My after thought of the story might sound a bit generalisation, but does felt that all women, past, present, and future, are Mary Shelly, and all men are the Creature.

Hipster coffee, they have popped up everywhere, New Town's full of them. You know what I’m talking about, they're really cool with their stained wooden table, stripped bare brick walls, no furniture, just coffee sacks, cause it's too cool to have any, coffee sacks will do, and half piece of old surfboard sign from 1959, something like that. Very intimidating if you're over certain age. I walked in one the other day and found I was the only person there who do not have an Edwardian Cricket beard. Very excluded, I felt.

Holiday should always be about pleasures and relax, the best reward you could get for the confined working life. But it's really hard to enjoy these days, cause you meant to be going away. And all flights are difficult to enjoy anyway, cause there's only one airline service on this planet now, it's called air denial, where everybody gets on and pretend they're in a café, just constantly trying to shut out one thought that had actually kidnapped their mind, which is "We are gonna die, we're all gonna die."

How have you being feeling around in Town? Pretty Well? Fantastic place, isn't? Cosmopolis, people from every corner of the earth, every creed, every religion, every culture, came here to vomit in pub toilets.

I am a man! either that or a woman who's really let herself go. Look It's not easy be a man, for example, I had to get dressed today, and there’s loads other pressures. Man get very hard-time from female media, like these woman's magazines, they always doing these surveys, in between the ads of alligator bag, purse, Chanel, Louis Vuitton... they put these fucking surveys, "What you want for a man?" And all women inevitably come up with similar kind of thing, like "Oh, I don't know, oh just some kind of physical, psychical, intellectual melding really, where you can get that oceanic feeling after 18 years of children bearing and continual exploration of existing sexual relationship is still possible. That’d be OK."

I am speaking as a man, but, I mean, I am a man, or maybe... either that or a woman who's really let herself go. Look, it's not easy be a man, man have a lots of health checks and worries just as well as woman. For example, you have to look out for testicular cancer, well, there is nothing funny about that, cause you have to look for a lump in a bag of lumps, that obviously can take sometime.

I cannot understand today's TV shows. There's a recent one that's mainly set in Scandinavia. Do you know those programs? I don't know the name, I haven't check it out like everyone else. Mainly things like bushes, killings, murders, all that. But this one is kind of huge, hugely fashionable, almost hipster things already, where there would be a detective speaking a language that nobody understands, and there a lot of snow, and then people go “Em... I've got diabetes." You know, the more obscure they are, the better.

I didn't meant to make any generalisation about women and men, all I'm saying is that women have to make themselves beautiful for men. Because men are the ones who're going on about female beauty all the time. It's only possible a man who you would heard him saying "Oh, I miss Nancy, she has such dusky insteps. Her knees were like porpoises’ heads and her eyes were like lapis lazuli flash light thrown into little dishes of Utterly Butterly, you could almost hear her breasts while she's walking behind you, she was such an extraordinary woman." You don't get women banging on in this manner about male beauty, you don't hear women say "Oh, I miss Felix so much, he's got such beautiful balls!" We call ourselves liberal democracy and there's still no platform in this society for the appreciation of scrotal beauty.

I don't believe religion, I just go along with science like everybody else. But the problem is that I don't understand any of it. So I have to rely on television programs to explain the science to me. You know, shows by Brian Cox, Dr. Good-Looking. A lot of women became very interested in science because of him I noticed.

I don't know, there's too much going on and not enough time to understand. It just fucking carries on. I can't cope anymore with... days. There're too many days. Day is stupid length. Sort of just long enough to get you regret before you've got go for sleep. It's like what a glorious morning when wake up, and by the lunch time you've already fucked up everyone you know. And when it's time to hit the bed yourself you think, I hate my life!

I don't know, you come in, people come in here wanting stuff, I don't know what you want, I don't know what everyone want, I don't even have any idea what I want in fact. Cake! Yay, I think cake is what I want. Cause cake is the language of love, I haven't see any in this room. You know when people say "I love you. I love you!" which will get rather tedious and repetitive and you think, "Right, so where's the proof? How about make me a fucking cake? A chocolate Éclair!" Truth is, people don't need to eat anymore cakes in English speaking countries generally, even the poor. We're all over fed. Eating is purely regards as sort of recreational things now. So why fucking around with soup, or chicken, or any other stuff. Just... cake!

I don't mind religious people, when they hanging around, I talk to them, listen to them banging on, praying very hard, and then the fairy came. "Have you been good? Have a biscuit!" I only get annoyed when they try to make me see the fairy, they say, "Look, you have to let the fairy into your heart." I thought, I wouldn't event let them in my backyard, OK! I'll shoot them on site, if they existed, which they don't. So just please have a biscuit and go away. Will you, Please."

I don't think kids are the same compares to 20 years ago. They’re not behaviour in the way kids were supposed to. I remember from growing up at kids' parties, you do all these childish things like running around, bleeding... torturing the weakest member of the group and so. You know, just some simple children's games.

I don't understand anything and I don't pretend to. I thought I understand human relationship, where I am and what's going on at the time. But look, I'm getting middle-aged, soon to be over-weight and will be confused most of the time. The world is changing too quick for me. Things that I remember and familiar with are no longer exist. I wish everything to go backwards... Not really though, just joking. But I don't know what's coming. For the young people out there, they will decide, they will decide what the future is going to be, it's not up to me. I've already checked. No one has asked me to any those meetings.

I feel very lucky to have this job. I know loads of people they do similar stuff, they making things, they work in theatre, people who come out in place like this they go. “Oh, I love this space, I love it. Is there any way we can make it bigger and smaller at same time?” “Somebody get me a cappuccino please, no coffee or milk.” You know, tossers, they’re my friends.

I find it hard to believe anything nowadays, even science. I mean I believed in science but It's not gonna give you any comfort though, does it? Majority of people who do believe in science, quite often and quite lot of them, would just tend to laugh at other people who have a religious faith. But like most of people, I don't really understand any science. I just believed it. So that's no difference to having a religious faith, as far as I can work out, is there?

I found all the news are very hard to follow. I’m not gonna talking about news in Edinburgh. Cause I don't know it to be honest. But from what I remember while I was there, when I was a fake Scottish before I betrayed by leaving and came here. The news were always things like "We are building a bridge, but we don't have any river to build it over, so it has been canceled, and we’re not going into work anymore.” all that kind of thing. International news is far more dramatic with the proud norseman's sentiment.

I get freaked out by things like invoice and bills. I got loads of bills to deal with the other day. Other people probably pretty good at dealing with them but I've alway get frightened by things like that. Normally, the first invoice is always very gentle. The kind of expression sort of saying "Err, we think, maybe, perhaps you own us some money, just checking... We are not really sure, and we are sorry to mention about it. And would do you like some tea?" And the second one the words be a bit firmer, it goes like "Yes, you do own us some money, don’t you? Yes, of course you do. Give it back to us now, please." And then the third one they just forgot everything, straight away going "Jail! You're going to jail! You gonna fucking stay in a jail! We don't want the fucking money now! We just want see you in a jail get bum raped by other fuckers." That's why I've always tend to be nervous by bills.

I got a kind of a very sad letter the other day, actually kind of moving in a way. You know, sometimes people contact me just for advice. Cause I'm a very giving person as you can tell.

I just find it hard to like certain fruit. Look I did try to addict myself to it but fruit doesn't work for me. Just the god is showing off, look at all the colours he invented. Horrible stuff. It's like somebody comes to your house for a dinner, or a weekend or something. If they don't bring a bottle of wine, or box of chocolate, or biscuit, or something, you will bitching about that person when they leave. You say "Felix, the mother fucker, didn't bring anything!" Never heard anybody say "Oh, they didn't bring any fruit! Not even a single melon. We had one in the kitchen for three weeks and I didn't see a single crack."

I keep remember back then when homosexuality was an issue, and it is still to a degree. Because the Angelica recently church said, "Oh, yes, you can have gay bishops, but they have to be celebrated." Which kind of defies the point of having a gay bishop, doesn't it? What's the point of being a gay bishop unless you can say "Nice to be here, this is my friend, Jeff."

I know celebrity who like to drive those extremely aggressive vehicles. You know these things, they're called Hammers. It's like big four-wheel drive thing. Huge! I cannot help but think that how small does your car have to be to make you walking into a car-show room and say "Listen, listen, I need something that's the size of a school, so that people know me around." As if driving wasn't already aggressive enough.

I learnt about Russians from films, obviously. But Hollywood presentation tend to be very very stereotypical, always same. The Russian man in film likely to be... you know... bad guys experts of making bombs. He'd have a scar that goes from the left eye that goes all the way across the face. And left hand is a blender, or a hook, or something. And he goes "It's very easy for me to make bomb because Americans are so stupid, they spend all time play baseball and eating hamburger."

I mean there's absolutely no where, no where to place your faith really!

I meant to talk about something else early on... I forget what it was. When I remember what it was again a minute ago, but I also forgotten. And that's really what adult life feels like most of the time.

I missing those civilised expressions of assault that was trendy, like the phrases that were just died out such "How dare you?” Straight from the theatre. Back then people love talking like that as if they're 12 feet tall. "How dare you!?" got home from work looking for the other person going "Where are you? I know you here somewhere. There you are. How dare you!!" What the fuck do you mean how dare I, have you got a wig in your pocket or something? Shut up

I remember experiences of some skinheads back in London. There was this three guys, kind of people go about in groups, as if they had a lot of highly classified information to convey to one another all the time. And one of them bumped into me on the street, very deliberately, shouldered me. Now I’m a rational person. Usually, in that situation, I would think like you, I'll go home, have a cup of tea, and spend half hour think about what I would have done to this person, had his arm been tied up from behind.

I remember having pets like rabbit while living in mountains. One morning mum woke me up, I heard this voice, Sunday morning 7AM, It's fucking mid-night for me, right? I was in deep communion with the pillow, the pillow was here [cross middle of face] I heard this voice,

I remember once I was in Glasgow at this bottle shop buying some peanuts, just try to blend in with local Scottish woman and children. And there was this young man in front of me very friendly with a whole case of Vodka bounced on his stomach. And he turned around to me and he said “Ahginu#$@hagiahenh#$%". I didn't quite understand what was the offer, but that doesn't stop you joining in the conversation. You just put up your very best middle-class smile, you know, you go “Ha~ha~ha~ha~ha~". He could be asking me anything! I don't know!! It felt kind of abusive smile already. Cause smile is important should be useful, especially when you're really mean something. I think what I really meant was more of "Ha~Ha~Ha~ Please don't kill me, I', just offering trained smile".

I suppose the class system probably quite easy once you get a hang of it. It seems to me it's all about how much time you spend with your parents. Cause the upper higher you go, the less time you are with your folks. You know, cause been at the age of one and half, they come to you and they go "Well done you! Whatever your name is, you're going to boarding school in Argentina." And if you're poor, you just with your family a lot more. You just remember crawling out laundry baskets into these bags of potatoes and you swing off your parents' cigarette while they're having sex, you remember you're there.

I suppose the notion of respect from younger generation does sound such an old-fashioned way, even just to say it. But as you've been on this planet long enough, you do imagine you'll get respect from younger people, even from your own children, you imagine you'll get respect from them... but the plain truth is, you don't.

I do, sometimes want to be like you, cool, calm, unemotional... protestant for short. It's a fantastic religion, makes absolutely no demands upon you at all, which is the reason why it's not a great religion. Cause all great religions are built on shame, there's none of that in protestantism. All you've got to do is go to the church, sing a few hymns, have a cup of tea, eat some biscuits, then everybody go home have a nice wank.

I thought people arguing about immigration policies all the time is because they've absorbed voices from around the world by just watching televisions. All sorts of uncanny accents of people speaking English they like or dislike, that’s why people try to keep people out of countries. They’re not really going to succeed long term, are they? Look, not only that everybody is everywhere, you’re globalised, they’re already in your head, all those voices eventually became little cartoon characters representing all cultures of the world.

I thought there's a particular kind of American obviously, the kind of American in Europe or Australia, often, for some reason, tended to be very generously portioned. You see them shuffling around in museum, blocking up exhibits going, "What is this? Can we eat it? Where are we? Can we pee now?" And yet, when you looking at popular shows from Americans, all people there are very prepossessing, almost ultra fashionable in way, extremely thin really.

I was in the pub the other day, this young vital person came out, and I found myself cannot stop looking at her. I was thinking "Oh, you are so lovely, you are a really lovely looking human being, never seen a homo sapien like you." Suddenly I realised don't stare, it's rude! So I looked away, but a second later, I couldn't help but looked back. And as I did, her boyfriend walked, who happens to be very very tall, dark, extraordinarily handsome, an amazing looking man, wonderful range of his stride, chiselled features with sea-green eyes in a thousand-yards-stare. What an extraordinary person! I couldn't take my eyes off him... and completely forgotten about her. And then I became aware again, “Oh, Christ, don't stare, it's rude. They'll think you're staring because they’re mix-raced couple or something. Don't... don't..."

I was sitting outside pub the other day, and this woman came out, an attractive woman, she was attractive in a way that other women would probably have said of her, “Well she's attractive in an obvious way." Interestingly though, I found a lot of the women who would say that about other women tend to have hide their own attraction so well, that you do feel like thrown them out of bedroom, or give them some spare change, but I digress.

I wish everyone is honest, but obviously not, loads of adult conversations are just people been pointlessly polite. All those matured boardroom meetings are just a bunch of fucking lies. People pretend being polite to one another, turning up and say "Oh, I'm so sorry, so sorry! I'm late. Em... It was the traffic, terrible, awful, I had to perform stunt across the bridge using only the first gear. It's very very difficult, very very sorry."

I'd like to think of myself a cool guy. I think every man telling themselves they're cool. You have tell yourself this bullshit just to keep going, Like, I found myself spent shit loads of amount of time thinking what would Bruce Lee would have become if he survived and discovered carbohydrates orthopaedic shoes. Yay! That's what I tell myself.

I'm an extremist when it comes to technology, well extremely skeptical though. I don't even like the bank machines. You know those things, ATM, you stand there one o'clock in the morning, trying to keep your mind straight or maintain a tolerable focus of your vision, and the machine starts to ask you fucking questions. It goes, "Beep, beep, beep... Are you happy with your mortgage?" "I don't know! I'm not even sure about this fuck sausage roll!" "Beep, beep, beep... Do you want check your balance?" "No! I don't want to be more depressed, and what are you? My mother?! Where is the fucking button that gives you kebab?!"

I'm delighted that you came, thank you very much. It's great pleasure to have you here, and I'm very grateful to you for coming here for making this big effort, cause all I've got to do is just turn up sober. So I'm rather obligated to you for being here right now, guess I'll do whatever takes to keep you entertained.

I'm not a fighter, you know, I'm more of a bleeder. The best I could hope for would be drown somebody else in my own blood, if I haven't drown myself before. Look, I'm not very good at dealing with violence, or aggression kind of things. I've never be good at fighting. I can't, I don't, and I don't want to. You know what, I can't even swim. I can't drive an automobile properly. I was going to learn how to drive recently, but then I thought what if I crashed to a leg. So there're a lot of things I don't do.

I've always believed you have to have a good relationship with pleasure. People here seem to buying into this idea. Your approach seems to be to go, "I don't know what I want, but I know whatever I want it now."

I've always fascinated by Scandinavia, cause it's dark side of the earth, where darkness create all kinds of things. Music created in darkness is called Dark music, a particular kind of music. Not the horrible folk music from normal places. The heavy metal is what they created in dark places, especially in Scandinavia, they love all those metal bands, they're not like English or American ones having names like Metallica, or Megadeath and so on. Cause English isn't the first language there in Scandinavia, even though everybody there speaks it, so they call their bands name like Anus Hammer, Egg Smuggler, that kind of stuff. And even the appearance of heavy metal is quite interesting and huge contrast to any other style, like Jazz, and Blues, or folk music people got down here.

I've always had this suspicion that women have no feelings. Because it's actually men who are far more romantic and emotional. Man are the people you will heard saying, "Oh, I found somebody. She's amazing. If I don't get to be with this person, I'm fucked. I can't carry on. No, I really mean it. She's totally transformed my life. Look, I have a job, I have a flat, that all means nothing. I can't stand it, I have to be with her. Because if I don't, I'm going to end up in some bedsit, I'll probably become an alcoholic, and end up wearing itchy trousers. I can't... I don't think I will able to walk straight any more." And that... is exactly how women feel about shoes.

I've never be appealed by stimulants or drugs and so on. Young people do weeds that's why they speak the way they do. You know, it's a very inarticulate expression. I can’t stand them, they greeting one another with handshake for three quaters of an hour going "Hey, Yo, Man. What up, kick back on the chill, yeah, how's hanging? What's happening?" Whenever I see that I just want to say, "Fuck off!! Use some words, will you?"

I've never buying the idea of social media, and I've got people angry when I said "Sorry I don't Facebook or Snapchat, do you have a number?" I can't keep up, which is true". And people look at me like I've just fell out of a tree, and they’re pout. And they say "Why not? You can't be up to date without social!" and I thought "Well, how can I be anymore up to date? Am standing here, alive now! That's as much as current as I can get."

If you have friends, who don't have kids. They can sound very naive. You know, friend who's single and without children, they usually ask stupid questions, like "What did you do in the weekend?" And when you're just trying to distinguish one moment from that jumbo blend of screams, stains, and tears, that made up your whole weekend, they start to tell you what they did, which is really, all they've ever wanted to talk about in the first place.

If you want the real understanding of pleasure, you've got to see the twisted attitude towards pleasure of an English person. Because they’re very strange, they can got very coy and very childish around pleasure at the same time. For instant, if you offer an English person something extra in a plate, they'll go, "Ho~ho~ho~ho~ Well then... If it’s gotta be a little bit naughty. Oh~God~ then I’ll have a nibble." And you think, it's just a fucking bun, eat it! I’m not offering you my flash fried bacon over here.

If you're at 20s, your mindset of pleasure is very strange though, because you do sort of measure what a good time you had by how much you've messed yourself up, right? At 20s, you go out, you can do anything, drink battery ACID all night, then wake up and have a fight, your hangover aren't so bad then. They're quite direct, they come and go, kind of like bailiffs. And they just say “You're very very stupid last night," POO!! "Get up! Get into the kitchen!" "Oh~~~ Sorry... What have I done..." Bang [kicking]!! "Shut up! Get into the kitchen!" Bang [kicking]!! "Oh~~~ What am I allowed to do today?" Bang [kicking]!! "Cry, mainly."

If you're like me, eating all the time on a sort of professional basis, even go for a walk, you'd choose somewhere like super market. cCause you can eat there and nobody stops you. Cause even if someone comes up to you, you can just go [hand to mouth] “Fuck off! I’m gonna buy it.”

If you're like me, had been on this planet for a while, you may sometimes found yourself cannot stand younger people, healthy people. Healthy, young, attractive people doing whatever they want, bending down and getting up in the same afternoon. It's revolting. Because I remember that, had being live like that considering all old people are terrible dull. But I was wrong. If you look at young people on the street, greeting, doing those handshakes that take 3 quarters of an hour, with their amazingly redundant language going, "Yeah, Yo, Dull, kicking back with the chill, Rad, what up..." You think, "What the fuck are you talking about? Why can't you just say a Hello!?

In the context of the world, watching all that's happening around you, I don't think you can penetrate much of it, cause you can only really care about very few things. In the end, what's really gonna matter to you is who you're with and what's happening between you. Basically, you'll only care about whatever that's going on in your own kitchen. If couple has got friend who's single and childless, they often and be amazed to find how much gap they have. Because single men are naive in the eyes of couples of if they don't have children. Look, if you're women, you don't need children to be empathetic, but if you're man, you do.

Intimacy is very a difficult thing, that's what we've been taught. We’ve been told that men have problems with intimacy. I don't know about that but what I do know is that I have to have a tremendous amount of sex with somebody before I'd buy her a drink.

Irish people have this reputation for being charming. Indeed, they do, believe it or not. Do you know what's all that about? It’s because they lie all the time. If you ask an Irish guy "Where is the chair I asked you to make me?" He's just go “Oh… My brother, he has a fine singing voice, but he fall down a hole once. Have you meet my sister? Here, have a sausage." They basically just don't answer your question.

Is it not that we all kind of addicted to eating. I used eating all the time, all the time... I knew this cause it has been building up and I'm now on a pretty much a semi-professional basis. Sometimes feels like as if being sponsored by rival teams of scientists who's trying to see if it's possible to eat with your left, and your right hand, all day, and all night... Yeah it is! I think it's question of focus, you have commit.

Isn't it ridiculous that the thing possesses the most crucial relationship in your life, is the thing that you cannot talk about. For instance, I’d apologise for even mention it. But it is true, as a men it is still very difficult to have a rational conversation about periods with women. You see I am almost instinctively euphemistic about it, nobody wants get into trouble in small talks.

Isn't it terrific here, probably the best place to be right now. Cause, you know it's critical time in human history, especially as of right now. I think we should all be praying. How about let's mute a minute of silence for... everything, cause apparently, it’s ever happening forever.

Isn't the beast inside of you alway hungry going, "Give me the good stuff, not the bad stuff!" and you think, what you mean? And then you engage the part of yourself within to figure out what's the good stuff and what's the bad stuff? It goes "You know the good stuff. Whatever I'm not allowed. That's the ultimate shopping list. I'd like some illegal, some forbidden, some frowned upon, and some downright disgusting, please. I'll like some of that wine too, thank you!"

It is 21 century and people are still talking about class system, they using these playground words though, like Chavs and Toffs, Posh and Bogan. I found that rather strange. Cause I wasn't aware of the class-system as a child in communist system back then. It seems to me just that everybody is the fucking same, but then there're four people over there, end of the street have bigger houses, but you don't know them.

It is absolutely true that people need to believing things. It'd be a scary thing if you start to believe politicians. You can't trust them. But people say “Well, but we still need to believe something!" Of course, you do, but you're not allowed to believe religion. Well, practically you can, but people will laugh at you and throw things. Cause it has been sort of decided in last century that the religion is basically a formalised panic about death. That's all. I mean look at the Catholic churches, all these campuses organisations on this planet, with their purple robs, gold bases on the side, the gems are so big on their hat if let it fall, it’ll kill people. I mean, what else can it be? All this sort of ritual panic about death. "Death is coming! Quick, but on the Golden hat!"

It is entirely natural for people wanting to believe something. Okay. Where you from, and where you gonna go? You not gonna believe in politics, are you, not in this country.

It is generally agreeable to gone absolutely mad just because other motorists on the road. But I think sometimes maybe, the madness was caused by something else, something in your past, about your mother or something. That's why you find yourself as a 45 year old person on a street shouting for no real reason. There must be a story behind all those people you see mumbling on the street, having those intense conversations looks really really significant except nobody else was there.

It is generally agreed that the generational gap is irreconcilable, cause young people out there are scared, worried about getting job and house and everything, resentful of all sorts towards older generations, not just think them as middle-aged codgers, but also begrudge them. Cause nowadays, if you're young, there’s no money, no jobs, the planet only has about 8 weeks left.

It make perfect sense of the music they are liking at North, cause it's a particular kind of music that created in darkness. Not the horrible folk music that you don't even want listen to. The heavy metal, they loved in cold places, very popular in Scandinavia, they have all those metal bands. You know, they're not like the English ones having names like Metallica or Megadeath and so on. Their names are far more interesting, maybe cause English isn't their first language in Scandinavia, even though they all speak it, so they called their bands name like Anus Hammer, Egg Smuggler... rather amusing imagination when you come to think of them in darkness.

It is almost tradition that things have to be just right for a woman in every respect, for certain action to take place. If you cared about somebody, properly care about somebody, every single element has to be just right. Whereas for man that doesn't seem to be the case. Desire, lust, just appears, all circumstances are fine for any sensitive occasion, isn't it? But for woman, things have to be absolutely correct.

It's fine now if somebody's gay or has got a gay friend, but if somebody says to me,"Oh, I went out for dinner, everybody else was gay," I think, OK, a big deal. But I would also immediately get all these images in my mind with loads of tall guys wearing flappy fringe hair, carving slice tenth of jelly, bursting into tears, just because the pudding look so beautiful. I can't help that, I mean I don't care.

It's great when you meet the person you're supposed to share this mystery of life with. You know when that happens. Quite often at a particular time of life, most likely when you're young and poor, while you're still living in a room. In fact you both live in rooms, where you have all your shit. Cause you're poor. And it's lit by candle light.

It's just so fucking difficult to have a proper sleep nowadays, it's true. Look, if you are like me, a matured person with reality, you cannot fall asleep. Maybe, if you're 20 or 25, but then you're not a real human being yet, lives in your own TV show, falling asleep cause you're fucking exhausted from sex.

It's like people knows a secret. It's all in their eyes when they're listening to you while you're speaking. It’s kind of like fireworks in their eyes. Because where I'm from, everybody is very expressive and demonstrative. You know, everybody goes "Ah~~ Oh~~" all the time, because it was never a powerful place, so people make a big display when they speak. But here, oh... it's all in their eyes. When people listening to you, you felt as if they really understand, they understand you in a way that you've never be understood before. So you tell them more, and you tell them more, and you start notice these fireworks in their eyes. And then, you wait them to respond. And they'll come closer, and they'll say something like "Do you like soup?" "Yeah, you know, I like soup." "I know a place where you can get good soup." "But is that all you gonna say to me? Is that all your response to everything I've just told you about my life?" "No, we should go now. It’ll close soon."

It's long time since I've been in hospitality, but I do remember this script I wrote for patrons that I hated on sight. So, what you do first is put up your very best middle class smile, then go up and say:

It's shameful that we still can't have intelligent productive conversation about some of these ordinary life events with women. I mean, it's 2018 and... And we still can't. You know, childbirth, menstruation, all of those things without which we wouldn't be here.

lots of Scottish people here in this country. You know the voice, you've heard the sound, very easy to understand. Before I moved to Australia, the last place I was in is Glasgow. I was at an off-license buying some cigarettes, you know, just the appropriate way to blend in with the local women and children. And there was a young man in front of me very friendly with a whole case of scotch bounced on his stomach. And he turned around to me and he went “Ahginu#$@hagiahenh#$%". Well, I didn't quite know what was the offer. But that doesn’t stop you joining in the conversation, yeah? You just take out your very best mid-class smile, you go “Ha~ha~ha~ha~ha".

I’m not gonna talking about Scottish news, cause I don't know about it to be honest. But from what I do remember while I was here, when I was still a Semi-Scottish before I betrayed by leaving. The news were always things like "We are building a bridge, but we don't have any river, to build it over, so it has been canceled, and we are not going to work anymore... that kind of thing.

I’m very slow at the beginning, and I sort of take it easy in the middle, and usually wander it down towards the end. Because there's too much, in front of your face, around this part of the town.

Language can sometime be amazingly confuse. In military regiments, they have their own mottos, the most famous one I known is from the SAS, "Death before dishonour!" Death before dishonour? I've always wandered “Hey, exactly, how much dishonour are we talking about here hey? Cause I think can handle quite a lot. Yes, I would, for instance, deep fry a Smurf before I pick death. I could cook myself a little Smurf omelette and be perfectly happy with it, adding seasoning like thyme, cumins, etc. I wouldn't mind it at all.

Language is kind of world wide Americanised. It's really easy to notice that now.  For example, 50 years, 20 years ago, no, even just 10 years ago, people would say something like, "Well, you know I was quite nervous about seeing him actually. But, in the end, he very quickly assured me, and we had a lovely evening..." Nowadays, the conversation has became something like, "I was like "Oh~~", he was like "Eo~~", that's it, there's nothing else. Something is lost there!

Life is just plainly harder to be a woman. Cause biologically speaking, just in terms of changes and drama, right. If you born a woman, from an infant you turn to a baby, you grow up then you're little girl. You become a girl, then you're a girl-woman, then you're a woman-girl, got hips, breasts, menstruation, few years later, you have sex, you may have child, then you look after this child. Oh, that is very complex biological relationship, mentally, psychologically, all aspects. And then you carry on maturing... A woman looking after whole family, you get older, you reach this point in life there's another big change then everything goes quite. And then you're old.

Life is very difficult if you're a person, a human being. It's the worst position to be in. Now if you're alone, if you came here alone, people will judge you as I said. People in couples will judge you, as if you are sad and scary. Because you don't have the big form of entertainment they's enjoy everyday. Look, a couple is a strange organism. It's a creature that's half of its intelligent is the most intelligent member. And you both know who that is. You spend the whole time constantly trying to prove to the other person in your relationship that they're clinically, medically, and irrefutably insane. That is the essence of entertainment for being in couple.

Listen, don't get sensitive, Okay. I don't want to insult you, your country, your history, your faith, your belief, your political hope of the future, your relationship between man and woman, or anything. Yeah?! The thing is though, I don’t want to of course, but that's very often what's end up happen, whenever a joke involved.

Look it is very difficult thing to be a man, cause you have to touch yourself to exam yourself free of things like testicular cancer and so on. And unfortunately, as a man you're designed to be aroused by the most naturally occurring phenomena on this planet. Like, you know, a big bag of chips or a bit of melting ice-cream, that can get you up and going. So…actually to touch yourself can be very dangerous, you may get 38 erections and directly passed out on a street.

Look reality is pretty tough stuff, all those terrorist attacks on news. I tried to look for… some bright points with these so called Islamic States people. That’s bit of a struggle, you know, at the beginning I was watching them, I go “Oh, come on! You scalps, stop it now.” But but... they don’t even taking weekends. Yeah? Somebody need to tell these people they are seriously interrupting brunches for a lot of us.

Look you have to remember what's good about young being at 30s. Yes, you might be poor, yes, it maybe difficult, it is. It's hard to get a job, hard to get a house, all is hard. But you have to remember what you have got, youth. People get stupid as they getting old, before they got properly stupid, clearly old, even before that they've already half-witted. Because the value changes, the fact is that you get anxious, as you're getting close to death.

Look, I’m not a hero, but I sort of imagine as one just like most people. I'd think of myself as a reasonably, well, if not brave, but sanguine or cool about most things. But when Matt Damon was walking around in his striking people for his identity, I said to myself, "Yeah, I can’t do any of that sort of shit, but I can’t remember the last time I was really afraid of." Then my partner said, “Well, I can, I can remember.”

Look, everybody came from everywhere, Those Right-wing parties telling people to stay away. “Stay away!”, you know, the immigration slogan. They never gonna succeed in long term anyway, will they? Cause, you know what, everybody goes everywhere and comes from everywhere, you may have noticed, that is just the fact. And we need everybody, all of them, we need all the people who are here.

Look, there’s something going on, right now, in the world, yeah! I think that guys are changing. You'll find loads of them here in Sydney, and in fact loads of them all around the world. You know when I look at these guys, the idea just constantly in my mind that they don't want grow up. Cause they're wearing children's clothes. Loads of these guys, they’re in their 30s and 40s, shuffling around, in T-shirts, zippers, or hoods or whatever on them. And they've got these ambiguous length of trousers. They’re not shorts; they’re not trousers neither; they’re just these things as if making a statement that says "I don't want any executive position anytime soon, OK? I’m having a milk shake for the next fucking 10 years. So stay the fuck away from me!”

Love is incredibly mysterious, as you know. And it is still the thing that troubles most people for a lot of their lives, until they work it out. You may do or have done this, the little birds conversations in restaurants, you know young lovers speak to one another. It never really changes. The essential dialogue is people competing one another as they're telling each other how they love one another.

Love is truely difficult to express, in all its forms, because it changes as the time goes by. Like when you're young, just meet someone and get romantically involved with. It's often gone absolutely crazy, completely overwhelming, you cannot even think about anything else, you want climb inside the other person and live under their pancreas.

Love itself is kind of a religion, more of a cult. Somebody would say to you "Do you love me? Do you love me?" And you go "Yes, I do love you." And they go "How much do you love me? Will you love me next week? How about next month? Especially next year I may be a real prick around there. Do you think about me all the time? Do you? Do you sometime realise that when you're not think about me and you feel terrible. Will you make me laugh? Will you feed me? Will you tickle me? Will you do all those things?" It is a cult that you've been invited into.

Most man are not ready for children, in fact man are designed not to be ready for anything, spend whole life going, “Em, What? Now! Really!? OK…”

Married people will work things out, like how they gonna do it as a couple. What happens to most couple is end up dividing things. You know, you’re good at this, she's good at other things.

Men are afraid of women. Everybody knows this. Cause all the gender stereotype that goes on, everything that you're supposed to be. Young men get very confusing message thrown at them. The model hold up to them is this sort of action hero. You know, "Bish... cosh... bo..." James Bond figure or any of those current actors in action films. They'll running around, jumping, kicking, striking, unsurprisingly, do all those extremely aggressive things... And women see that, some women, they look at them and they go, "Oh, that violent is disgusting. Fuck me..." And that makes up the contradictory puzzling message that's impossible to explain for man. And that is why men have always been afraid of women.

Men don't know how to talk to woman. They think they're completely different specie. Lots of men have got no fucking clue about restaurants. Because they're frightened, frightened by the dramatical weather in the mood scope that a woman can inhabit.

Men sometimes do get frightened by woman's ability of swinging mood from one extreme to another in a matter of seconds, like going "You always fucking leave the towel on floor, you piece of shit!" to "Oh yeah, that champagne's all right." That does easily throw a man out of his continence.

Most men don't have memories, even they do, they'll only experience occasional violent déjà vu. A man would grip his girlfriend, or wife, or partner, or whoever is there, and say,

Most men have a lot of trouble with their emotions. Loads of that just come from genetic hostility in them. Men are allowed to be aggressive sometimes like, I felt really pissed off today, I got mad at somebody. Because I was on the train coming down here and the service wasn't very good. You see, nobody likes to complaint in this country, because they think everybody else would point at him go "Oh, you’re the devil!” and put him in a bag and kill him. But I don't care about all that shit. So I went straight up to that Railway guy, short-shelved shirt, safety vest, moustache, eyes are very close together, piercings, tattoos, all that stuff. I went

Most of the time, in English speaking countries, we have very little information about Russians. Cause all we really have is some literature in history, some movies, and the movies are not very reliable, so the best way I found to figure out about Russians is to speak to a Russian person, to see what they like.

Most of the time, man gets very upset if they feel they didn't perform well, cause men are very sexually competitive and everything. You know, they always tend to ask very stupid questions after making love, they say, "Did you, did you? You know, did you arrive?" And women know that men are vulnerable at this time, that's why they say "What... What are you referring there?" And man don't like to be hurt, so they go back to themselves, they go "Oh, I don't know... It wasn't me talking. Who are you?" And then woman suddenly understands, they go "Oh, the sex, you mean, just now? OK, yeah, that was... you know, it's quite nice." Quite nice. Nobody actually know what that means. But all man were quite nicely accepting it at that moment, then afterwards, they get very upset, "Quite nice? Quite, quite nice. Hahah... You said our bathroom tap is quite nice. Am I a fucking tap. I've just got into a potentially fatal position. Oh, my whole body was in an anti-gravity position? I've lost 18 pounds in perspiration, and now my penis has shrink to the size of a button mushroom, it's hanging by a thread! Now just answer me one fucking word, did you or didn't you achieve one of those... woman things?" And woman would go "Wo~ lalala~ lalala~ sorry, are you talk to me? Oh, I'm not really sure sometimes, I don't really know. lalala~~" "What! Are we doing it again?! Where are those sandwiches. Don't touch me, I am trying to redirect the blood."

My limited exposure to Catholicism are mainly from the media. Recently there's this Archbishop, who made a statement, about how priests sometimes got dragged down by children looking for love.

My nephew comes to me goes, “Uncle Felix, uncle Felix, can I get an ice-cream.”

Never in my life had been a fan of hiphop. I remember couple of years ago in London, I was in this terrific bar, it's a fantastic bar cause it's empty and I had paper and book with me, just want to stay there for an hour or so, to sit and simply be. It was wonderful, nothing nicer than an empty bar. Then this song came on, right. I'll never forget this cause it was called Funk Soul Brother. I shall always remember that, because that's also all of the lyrics. It was a kind of schoolboy type songwriting, very easy on the words in case they get wasted, I don't know what's the shortage. But anyhow, it was sounded like a million fire-engines chasing 10 million ambulances through a war zone. And it was played at a volume that made the empty chair besides me bleeding.

New generation have to work very hard in school to try to get a job now. The other day, my nephew come up to me with their mathematic homeworks going "I don't understand this, Uncle Felix, X equals Y minus C, how can it be negative value of C as an integer?” And I was totally honest with them, I said, “Look, here is five dollars, right, you almost instinctively know how many chocolate you can get with that? Now, here's a 20 dollar note, an unimaginable amount of M&M, imagine how many teeth you can explode with that."

Nobody goes to countryside nowadays, when is the last time you spoken to somebody from country. Have you ever had conversation with these people? "What did you do today?" "Ur... I had some soup!" "Oh, for fuck sake, please give me a Cappuccino before I passed out. I need a mug. I need a shoot of half-health injection of cynicism right now."

Nobody tell you this, that you'll got couples as friends at certain age... because of children. Cause your child decides to want to play with another child, then you have to meet their owner. And have them around at your place to eat your stuff, or got to their places, where you can't relax. Cause it's always bigger, nicer, and clearer. You standing there in bathroom thinking, "I can't relax here. Those people have no pubic hair anywhere! We have pubic hair on the ceiling."

Nobody will warn you that your children will need pets, guinea pigs, hamsters, or whatever. For years, children was saying "Daddy, daddy, give me a little Hamster." "No, no. I don't want a rat with privileges in my house." "Please, daddy, please, daddy, a tiny little lovely hamster..." And in the end, you have to give in. Because you will realised that it's very important for children's development.

Normally before any child can happen, the couple will get chance to celebrate their togetherness in their new life... well, if they choose to spend it together. And one of the big way is... torturing each other with the English language. Because it's cheap and available, or any other language they speak. The fact is though, people will kill you over time. They will shave out every last morsel of fun in you, with those little, harmless, sounding phrases that people use every day, like “Be realistic!" or "Can't you just for half a second be realistic!?" Essentially, what that actually mean is "See the reality my way! or DIE!", which is why you see lots of couple end up in a warehouse choosing a toilet for the fucking entire weekend.

Nostalgic times. You know back then when a man would receive a phone call in a pub, on a land line. And it would be for him. Man died in pubs, sometimes on the phone, frequently with a large ham under their arm. This is the time when a man would get chance express a strong opinion on the subject he knew nothing about it as the point of honour. And to emphases his position, he's would take off his hat, so you would see his comb over, which is nothing to be ashamed of.

Now, my idea is that, my theory is that women are always ready, for everything. They are born ready... for other people. Yeah, for dealing with other people. Look, I'm not feminist by the way. Because I'm a man, I'm not allowed to be one. Lots of man out there says “Oh yeah, I'm a feminist..." That's bullshit, it just mean they want to sleep with you. I'm not a feminist but have a lot in common with most women, who are not afraid of annoying men, and saying difficult things, such as "I don't want to go over there. I'm not doing that. Fuck off. I'm wearing jumper all day, and I'm eating burgers, so go fuck yourself.” Now some women may cheering me doing this, but I'm a guy, that's the problem. Ladies, you need work on that, sometimes, you need to take the heat, babe.

Nowadays people don’t have proper religion anymore. well, not proper religion in this country anyway. I mean Christianity doesn’t really exist in a big way here, the current generation never really had it to be honest. People in Ireland used to have it, the real religion not the one people have here mainly just some dressing up boxes and some cardigans with holes at elbows, everybody meet up have some ginger-nuts, sing a few hums and then go home have a nice wank. Ireland had the real religion, the thing that makes you feel bad the moment you awake, with God squatting at end of your bed with his fist pressed in between your eyes, going “Wake up, you worthless shit bag!” That’s how it felt in real religion.

Nowadays these pop-stars pumped out of television by those production machine. Some of them are fine but some of them have no talent. You know some of them have their body parts more famous than them. You know people get their ass flew in different jets to play gig. And you'd wonder who the fuck are these people? They’re are not even people, they’re just things occupy thongs.

Nowadays, when you heard a Russian voice in Hollywood movie, it most likely to be a villain, he'll has a scar starts from here, [right eye brow] it goes over his face, over all the furnitures in his apartment out to the street. He doesn’t have a left hand, he'll just has a blender or something. And all he says is “Since I come to your country, it’s very easy for me make bomb, from oatmeal packet and dead cat, hahaha~”

OK. So, what you gonna be doing for holiday? Drinking, of course, mainly right? That's a little disappointing. Tell you what I'm gonna do? Making art. That's what I'm going to be doing, couldn't help it. That's what I did, you see, all the time. I have to make some art, or I will die. I'm like a shark in a bottle.

Of course I have to talk about all those ordinary stuff, like work, family, and children, all those conventional kind of things to pretend to you that I have an ordinary life. And this is because, so that I can relate to you, as you're all ordinary people looking at me with the mixture of envy and lust as if I'm sort of a crazy child.

Of course everybody need fashionable playthings, you know, cloth, toys, and vinyl records, especially in this part of the world. Cause when people get depressed here, they don't really handle it very well, not like some other cultures people'll do something useful, like they having a rain-dance, or throwing stones at one another. But here, when people get pissed off, they go "Arrr~ I can't carry on! I don't understand my life any longer! I don't know what am I doing! I can't fucking handle it! I can't deal with anything, even these cornflakes! I just don't know what's going on! I can't do it anymore… ah… ah... Fuck, I'll buy a CD.” And I do get a record and a jacket, fuck everybody.

Of course it's difficult for people to relate to one another. I mean you have to find somebody first of all. And I'm worried about younger generations, not just because they losing skills all the time, cause that's OK, you don't have to worry, you don't have to write, speak, or spell anything properly anymore, you can just strangle your mobile phone or lick your iPad, it'll do everything for you. But what I concerned is that there’re certain key skills you need, that had been lost like dancing.

Of course things change when you get mature. It has advantages, like you don't worry about death and so on. In fact you don't even think about it as if just an irrelevant abstraction, cause you spend most of your day thinking about practical everyday realities, like how to constantly employ the only two functions of your mouth, either pleasing yourself, or somebody else. See that's a matured joke there, I haven't even mention penis once, but you have to be rather matured to understand that.

Of course women have extraordinary memories, that is what equips them to ask questions that cannot be answered by men, not by mortal men. My partner says to me, "Why! Why did you leave the towel on the bathroom floor? The wet towel" There is no answer. Unless I can come up with something like, "Well, me and guys in the basement, we’ve planed for weeks how to fuck you up. And we thought this seems the only way to go."

Of course you do have to make some concessions as you getting older. I mean, I am a vegetarian, for instance. But... I'm not a hardcore. Cause you know... I eat a lot of meat. But that's only because I like the taste. So morally I win as far as I’m concerned. And I don't messing around like some people just eat fish or be a vegan totally cut everything out. I... I do things with faces. OK. That's all I eat. Just give me the face, the pig face, fish face, or what have you, cut them off, throw the rest away, flash fry the face, I'd like to interact my food, you always win the staring competition if you first eat the eyes.

Of course, it is the people, who love you, who know you, who can wound you. That is the terrible vulnerability. Cause these people know how you work. You can take all kinds of abuse from strangers on street or people at work. It doesn't matter, you just brush it all off without any effect. You don't have to get rage or aggressive to someone you know, you just have to say the right thing at the right time, like "Your nose hair, which is grey, is in my eye." That'll do.

Of couse, there is alternative options for an easier relationship if you sometimes found it too hard, which is with a dog, and most people do.

Once you over the age of 30, you end up watching these news programs, you know, the ABC, BBC, or whatever it is on there. Cause there's no any other TV going to make you that bored and angry at the same time. You go "Oh Trump! It's him again! I hate him, he comes out, every time, he comes out… he comes out... I hate... em... please make him go away."

One of the few things particularly easier for women, well, if you happened to be a woman, is flirting. Because it’s hard for a man, there’s no guide or instruction. But for a woman, at least there's examples, template, you can always find something in films and so on.

One of the keys about English mind is the Archers, that never die radio program. Well, it’s not a program I’m hugely familiar with, but every time when the theme music comes up, I tend to find myself running across kitchen with a hammer I don't actually possessed in search for the fuck-off button on the radio.

Our attention spans are so short now, that it can only be snatched in very violent way. That's why all the advertisements are using these constipated skeleton bitches sneering at you. And the shit they're selling would be called something horrible like “Homicide!" “Dysentery!" "Urban Dysentery" for boys and girls!

People from places like Ireland and Scotland, tend to be much more hot blooded, as if there's drama included in the very fabric of everyday life. It's presented there every moment. People wake up in bed going,

People gone about mad in city especially, because it gets very stressful sometimes. So, people gone strange, they go for all sorts of weird activities that are very bad for them, the gym, the yoga, all those highly carcinogenic activities that will catch up with you in the end. Or even those really moronic little books like, "How to release the inner you", or "The high effective habits for a tosspot", which you don't event want to talk about in the first place, or Release your potential...

People here in Australia are very keen on health laws, regulations, pushing that kind of stuff all the time. Most of them are fine, although, I found some are quite confusing, like drinking responsibility, which is, generally speaking a good idea, but how do you do it? What is that supposed to mean in literary sense? You know, you had couple of shots, Jack and Coke, 6 pack, and then you have children with their homework. You go "Oh~ Algebra! they just made that shit up, never comes up in real life. They only use it to stop you thinking about sex. What's the next? Geography! Yeah, Spain, I went, Champaign!!"

People laugh at Scotland, it's full of drunken, violent, bestial people, who're all mean and cold to touch.

People of different generations talk about relationships in completely opposite way. And what the fuck is relationship by the way. Nowadays people go, "Oh. You know, there's a problem in my relationship. We have a thing. This thing seems just keep going on in our relationship." Sounds like a mystical 3rd party creature that people brings around with them. They blame at the relationship but never themselves.

People say Germany have no sense of humour. Now, that is not true. I went to Berlin at festival people are great. During the day, I was looking for something to eat, at that time, I don't eat pig. Look I'm not eating pigs not for any religious reason, no, I just don't like any food that's got only three letters. Pig, dog, cat, cow, fox, or you name it. I don't eat any of them. But as you know in German, the whole economy was based on pig, it powers up the whole country. People grind pork into afternoon tea, or walking around with sausages hanging behind just in case get caught out in a situation for something.

People today don't think of belief any more, faith itself has been treated with disgust. Religions are now regarded as a kind of fat marbling the brain. I mean who here believe in the organised religion? Who doesn't? People here in Australia don't believe anything and we are proud of it. It's like someone ask "What do you believe? "Nothing! Nothing!!" "What did you have for lunch?" "I don't fucking believe you!"

People's life are misrepresented, especially men are misrepresented to women. You know, men have always been built up as heroes in films and so on. My favourite bit of those action films is when that ordinary guy, who turns out to be a hero, and he turned around to his own family and goes “Everybody just shut up! Stop arguing! Do what I’m saying. Trust me for a minute.” That’s when my family all burst out laughing, and pointing at me going “Ha~ha~ha~. imaging how quickly we would be dead! Imaging all the different ways we'd be dying.”

Perfume is a good example of a product that had gone all wrong. When I was a child, it was sort of semi-exotic thing. It was called something stupid, like “Flair to Flair". You'd only buy it for your mother or aunt at Christmas. And it was always advertised by some dozy looking woman in a field of sunflowers, as if she's been hit by a tractor, felt like she just couldn't get over nice smell of rotten potato in the farm.

<p style="text-align: left;">Pleasure is no longer simple. People have became very aspirational from Tele about these lifestyle concepts. I don't know exactly what is lifestyle. How do you style a life? I cannot answer that, but I reckon it's just the whole idea of making simple things harder than usual to enjoy, like eating and drinking.</p>

Positivity is a religion in America, people get used to say "I'm giving it 100 percent, 200 percent, 5000 percent, right now, right here, Oh yeah, baby!" But here is Australia, I give it 14 percent at top. If somebody in front is on fire, maybe I'll rock it up to 16, but that's about it.

Positivity is a religion in America, cause people say "I'm give it 100 percent, 200 percent, 5000 percent, right now, right here, oh yeah, baby!" I'm Australian, I give it 14 percent tops, well, if somebody in front of me ass on fire, maybe I'll strike it up to 16, but that's about it.

Potential is a very very dangerous idea. I think you should stay away from your potential. I mean that is something you should leave it absolutely alone. Don’t touch it, cause you will mess it up. It's potential, leave it. It's like your bank balance, you know, you always have much less than you think. Don't even look at it. No.

Scottish people are just far more hot-blooded cause emotion is included in their culture. It's not like talking to an English person, you don't know if he's recently died a family or just got married. It's all caused by that English smile, especially when they're saying "Hello, hello..." As if there's rockin-oyster under their tongue. "Hello, Good morning, Don't touch me, Stay away. Hi, Hello!" And it's either that or the emotion come out with ultimate violence, they come in play football with you and rip the shit out of the stadium and they eat the chairs.

Scottishness alway reminds me amazing things from Scotland, it goes on, and on, and on. The list of things you depend upon every day life that you don’t even aware of, like, Televisions, Monkeys, Steaming Engines, Papaya, Lightening, Kung-fu, Pubic hair, Oh, it's endless.

So I was talking about something, and then I stopped, which you've agreed, and we left it there. But now, the thing is how to get back to it. What I really meant to say is, em... you all probably enjoyed yourselves with a drink, some refreshment, little entertainment at the interval, whatever it is, we have paused along by our own needs to have them filled, which is what we do, all the time.

In this incredible age of change a lot of focuses is actually here, in this great city Sydney. You see it in a sort of close-up may not make out it as the power hub, not just for New South Wales, but the whole country, and indeed the whole Oceanic region, this is the most powerful place in southern hemisphere. So, you, people here, are the decision makers. And you know that, and you pretty much made up your mind about the rest of the world. You know what you should think about the Asia, and Europe, and America, the Northern hemisphere, you think they're all hilarious, why would anybody live there?

So people don't believe religion anymore. What they believe? You can't go to politics, you can't... Look at them for fuck sake... have a look at Donald Trump. How can you cultivates the idea of being a gangster. Americans love it. How can you trust anybody looks like they've been clone from a dead shark.

So the young man and young women realise eventually that you don't die young. It’s a huge lie. And of course young man knows he’s not dead, cause he's with a young woman now. And they rented a flat, and she’s talking about curtains. And that is the time he really really wants to be dead. Cause the young woman has been talking about curtains for more than half an hour. And looks like she means to go on. She said, "What do you think? Should we get that purple ones with really subtle blend to the pink tonality towards the end; Or should we get that one looks like a tree, but feels it's at night when you're passing by in a car. Which one do you think we should get? What you really feel, I can't make the decision by myself. What you really truly feel?" And what you really truly feel is that "I can not begin to describe how much I DON’T CARE! I didn't know we had windows, until you brought all the shit up, OK. Stop saying wallpapers, furnitures, floors, it's Bourgeoisie. Just eat the chicken from my hat, come on!"

So there's lots of pressure. Lot of pressure on the young man to say something snappy, seductive, and charming to a young woman in the dance hall, or disco, or whatever they called these days. You know those places, where you walk in, the music can bleed your ear in just about three seconds.

So, god doesn't work. Science doesn't work. Consumerism doesn't work. So where are you gonna go? where will you end up? We wandered around and eventually end up back to each other as couples, cause there’s no where else to go.

Some don't buy my excuses, which wasn't that great. Cause I said, I'm too fucking busy to move any of my limbs. But competition has never be my thing. I don't know why the fuck you would go for sky-diving or cage-finding, or what so, I can't be bothered. But, I think in the end, I'll be doing yoga. Cause it's all elderly people, advanced in years, senior citizens, so old that you couldn't even tell what gender they were just by looking, only thing discernible is their tracksuits.

Some people like taking pictures on phones. I normally don't doing it. I thought why people do that, what's the point of it. But everybody does it, we all taking pictures, especially holidays, take loads of them.

Sometimes I rather jealous about being a woman. Yes, I do. Cause the whole traditional practise of flirting and seduction is just way too easier for them. All the steps were laid down there, certain things to do. You look at someone, then you look away, like you were not looking at them, and then you look back, look down, and then reveal a little bit more of yourself, you just slightly, and then look back again, then walk away, and "hahaha…" The other person would just involuntarily go completely mad, "Aaaa~~~"

Sometimes I see young people sneak into our adults groups like this. And I must say, I... I... I don't like them. Even though I’m supposed to be sort of young but I'm mentally old. I don't like young people, cause they're itchy, and they running around too quickly. I just don't trust anything moves that fast. And I don't really understand their culture either, because young people go to these music festivals, with these 'Buff... Buff... Buff...". Apparently that sound to me just felt like a lot of people were putting up shelves. And they go there, they dance for 8 or 10 days without speaking nor sweating, and drinks five times of their own body weight, and then go home alone, because they’re too fucked to do anything else.

Sometimes my mind just carried away by itself. I've been here a long time. I've been on the road alone for too long. I know I have that’s because I was in a supermarket the other day saw this tiny, heartbreaking kind of beans. And it really made me want to cry. Cause I thought, how old, or sick, or small that you have to be to need those beans? And it was on a high shelf where you have to climb ladder for days just to get those four beans. 

Sometimes, it might pass the minds of heterosexual people that, it might be easier... to be gay. Cause obviously there’ll be far less responsibilities outside of yourself. That's how it looked like sometimes. And also, if you're straight person, when you get pissed off, stressed out, what can you do, really? Another piece of cake, or another glass of wine you shouldn't really have, it's still tough choice. But if you're gay, solution's way more simple, you can just go to a toilet, and fucking strangers. That'll work some of the kinks out, isn't it? And afterwards you think "Ah yeah, I can deal with my emails, now."

Speak of television. These are amazingly shitty television that people are watching. Everybody goes on how Britain makes the best television in the world. Well yeah, Britain does, but David Edinburgh is not responsible for everything.

Speaking of memory, women have memories. Short, Medium, Long, they've got it all. A woman can remember something you've said 17 years ago and even the way how you said it. And to aid that memory, every woman would have a hot boxes, full of precious things, "Curly wholly wrapped the man so much; A bundle of letters too painful to look at or thrown away, they have to be kept so they can never be looked at; A nine speed dual shaft triple action... No, that's a different time, a different time!" Women remember. This is why we have civilisation. A women looks at a man and says, "You tried that yesterday, didn't work, then either!" Every women is an individual walking time capsule.

Story is that I did not want a dog! Cause I remember passing these guys in Parks around where I used live in Scotland. You know, these guys standing there in their Barbra jackets with some huge animal on a lead, taking shit in the weeds... They would look at you with this expression on their face as if to say “Oh... What can you do? Hey?” Well, let me tall you what you can do. You can not look around for excuses for giving up on your dreams, you fucking loser. That’s what you could do!! I used to think that every time, I didn’t say it. But now I don’t even think about it, I just say, “Morning Bob.” while I'm holding my own fucking dog.

Sydney always supply tourists experience with different accents. You don't need to travel to hear different voices. I found rather amazing about accent, particularly it's very easy to recognise your own kind, you could hear them from miles away.

Teenage daughter, that's something a man will never be able get himself ready for. A friend of mine told me that his teenage daughter will take the time -- that’s the nice thing yeah? -- she will take the time to sit down besides him and go “Errr, you’ve got hair in your ear~ You couldn’t get any more disgusting, but you did. Ah~ Here, I’m going to take a selfie of your ear, look at that... look at the peach bump on your head.”

Thank you very much for coming out here;

Thanks for being honest, cause lots people lie all the time, especially at greeting. You know, like when you meet somebody on street, you go "hello, how’re you?" they go "I'm fine, how’re you?" you say "I'm fine." And then you both go "Ok, see you!" Can't really be fucked by human communication most of the time.

That's not prejudice,  that's just observation. The thing is some people are very bigoted I think. Cause I have lots of local friends who're very dear to me. And I realise this recently that when I talking to them, they do a lovely thing to me, they impersonate me as they're conversing with me.

That's only if you sleep. Who can sleep? Who sleeps? Really. If you're a proper grownup in the 21st century and you're an adults human being, how can you relax at all! Your mind keeps churning. You think "What if this thing happens?!" "Em...hen.." "What if that thing happens?" "What if they happen together?!" "What if I lose my job?! I hate my fucking job but what if I lose it?!" Your mind is like a hive of worms. And worms don't live in a hives, so, it's already felt unnatural.

The Irish long ago been dismissed as fearful, drunken, un-punctual, unreliable, and very charming, yah? charming in a sense of being capable of running a cheap van. Cause Ireland got messed up, you know. They're not very cool headed people like English. Ireland got messed up, fucked, really, by money. Cause people couldn’t cope with it. They never had money, people made soup and salad, and risottos out of stones for hundreds of years. Imagine you doing that for hundreds of years, then one day the menu changed, so you go “Stones, stones, stones, Cocaine! That's what you’re having." So, people get lost, they're on street going, “I'll buy you jacket if you buy my trousers..." now they have nothing.

The Slavic languages is quite different to Romans language, very mysterious. I was Moscow a while back, I thought I know couple of Russian words, cause I find myself saying “Moshna chai?” "Can I get cup of tea?". And the guy come up to me goes, "@#$%^&amp;*……!@#$%^&amp;*…… “ And then they give me a shoe.

The conversations can be totally different outside Sydney. Look, you're sophisticated people enjoying metropolitan life. You meet up every nine month to have a coffee with somebody, so you can bitch about your best friend who’s not there, "I hate him, I hate him more than you do." Here he comes "Hi, how are you? Do you want a Cappuccino?”

The deal though, the life deal does seem to be very hard, harder for women. Because even physically speaking. If you born, as infant, you’re on your way towards a little girl; If you’re girl, you going towards pubescence where you’ll have menstruation; Then after that you’re on your way to become a full-grown women who can get pregnant; all sorts of physical events are ensued that; Then afterwards just when you think it's all over, then there’s the CHANGE! You know, it's like an opera, wiht masks keep falling to the floor going, "Who am I? I don't know. Neither are you. I'm fucking nuts…" And if you’re a guy, you born, you have one finger up your nose, and the other one on your penis; and then you get taller. That's all.

The eastern religions that people are now discovering more and more inspirations from, like Zen and Dalai Lama and so on, which I've always found kind of hard to penetrate the meaning of it. Cause their stories tend to be very dense, parables are fairly gnomic. You know they say, there's two monks walking over a bridge and one of them sees loads cherry blooms falling all around them, and one of them says, "You know, I'm very thirsty." and the other one says "Yes, but I'm quite tall..." When heard stories like that all I can think of is, did I miss something?

The expressions of love all begin with very very short sentences, people would say "You're amazing. You're incredible. I love you. This is wonderful. You're fantastic. Yes!"

The extreme version of the idea about escape or getaway is immigration. One day you think, that’s it I'm fucking tired of this, a new life must be somewhere else far better than here, cause I can't take it anymore. But where would you go. People fling themselves all over the planet and eventually end up here in Australia. I sometimes doubt why would anybody want to come here? What is the fucking point of this country anyway? Never in my life have ever thought about relocation, but now I'm here as Sydney Bogan with a certificate.

The fact is that everybody is prejudice. I have often riddled with prejudice, I depend on my own prejudice to remind me who I am. I don't want fucking people coming up to me all the time, being as nice to me as they are to everybody else. Cause apparently, I know they’re lying. My problem most of the time, is that other people don't think exactly like I do, and that made my day so long! People being nice all the time to one another is a very bad idea. It means bad things would have to happen to them later at night, or they'll have to do some very bad things.

The fact is that young man, especially, all men, don't even see children. For them, they're just other beings that need instant gratification, their competition really, as far as they concern.

The fact is that your youth vanishes on you. It surprises people all the time. That's why people say it seems like yesterday. It doe seems like yesterday to me, as I was out drinking tequila with my friends. I mean tequila! That's not even a drink, it's just a way to get police around without using a phone. Now, I'm on the phone to the same friend and asking them for recipes, going "How do you make breadcrumbs," but back of my head going, "Jesus! What's happening to me? Please don't let me die at a Bunnings Warehouse. Don't turn me into one of those grumpy codgers begins every single fucking conversation with the words "I'm not a racist but..."

The gender argument do seems to be quite unfair in woman's favour. Because I think men and women's arguments are made in different places. All male arguments are very early 70s, Soviet-made, uni-directional trundling behemoths, that say the same thing again and again and again: "I told you I would be late on Tuesday, I told you I would be late, I said it, I heard my own voice, I did say it... I told yoouuuu~" Whereas woman's argument seem to be these amazing, slinky, stealth bombers designed by Jaguar, with lovely cream leather interior and infinite torque! That's why they can respond man by saying "Yes, maybe, alright, but why is the fridge door's open?" and man just going "I don't understand, I don't understand the world any more..."

The idea of cruise would just make you vomit all over yourself when you were younger. But when you got to certain age you suddenly going “Oh, yeah, travel without moving, I’m in. I can just be lying there like a starfish. Every hour a half somebody will come over and pour gravy all over me. What? 2 grand a weekend! That's gonna be great! Where do I sign?”

The idea of potential has always been struggle, cause if you look at the people who use it, who do actually give it everything, you know, like great athletes, Beckham or Andy Murray of this world, people charging, shouting, running up and down the field, swearing and shouting at each other. Are they happy? No! They're destroying themselves! Who's happy? You! The lazy fucker watching them, with a pint of beer bounced on your belly, roaring advices at the best athletes in the world. "YOU WANKER!"

The images of people is in movies nowadays is so categorised.

The irrefutable truth is that people do need things that are bad for them. They need stimulates and so on, they always have. You know, every so often, some politician, or football player, or actors, whoever it is got caught in a hotel room surrounded by hookers and cocaine. And everybody else suddenly goes, "Oh, the shame of it, how could he, how absolutely dreadful! I'll never do that! I'll never do that. I've never had a chance, but I'll never, ever do that. Oh~ the disgust that just crossed me right now. You could bottle it!"

The other day I see this skinhead, made me extremely nervous. You don't see them any more, proper ones, old-school skinheads, like Hatch-backs. Where did all those people go, is there an island or somewhere. But I'm talking about the real one, the kind people who make all their major decisions with their neck, having tattoos on his teeth. Make me think, "Jesus Christ, he's gonna hit me just for being alive!" I can't look at but I can't look anywhere else on the street. I hate this kind of situation, it's awful.

The other thing about pets in kids life is that, it's the way they get to learn about grief. That’s another function of pets. It's the truth, of course. When you open the door of a pet shop, really what you’re saying to your kids is “Which thing that dies do you want?” That’s the truth.

The question that everybody asks now and the question that everybody has always asked about each other, and you can still hear all the time, is "What do women want?" Well, as always it has been really mysterious, as it always sounds like such a big deal. I'm here to tell you that woman want is what anybody wants. You know, friendship, companionship, respect, and certain amount of leadership with submission, the kind of cooperation at all times, and pre-emptive empathy, plus some general telepathy, yah? That's not a big deal, is it?

The sounding of English voice are very generally very good at persuading people. Cause they can go anywhere in the world, doesn't matter it's South Africa, or North America, or middle of Australia, wherever there's aboriginal people they'd say, 'What's your name?' 'Hello, hello...' 'I'm Fuboo... Hello, how are you? hello, hello, em, listen, Fuboo, Fubyy, I've got some bits here in my pocket. Would you like to see them? Would you like? Listen, it's got the click clanky sound... Look, Aren't they pretty? Aren't they sweet? Now, you keep those; you have those; you enjoy those; walk away, they're yours! And I’ll just have from where you are standing to the horizon. Thank you very much.’ That's what English voice are good at, persuasive.

The thing is that we seemed have got used to this in a big way, the consumerism. Things people used to cram into their homes. You know, the stuff, give me the thing, give me the couch, the wig, the tiny beans, the radio, the iPhones, the shoes, all the stuffs, all the time, we can't get away from. You know you brought lots of shit. Cause you're broke now, and your house is full of shit. You can spend hours walking around the house looking for a pencil or a piece of paper. You can't find anything useful like that, but you can always put your hands on a purple furry cube with a number six on the side and pair rubber legs underneath. And you pick it up and you go, “What is the shit? Why is it in the house?" Well, That's because you brought it. that's why, just like all the other crap you've bought.

The things about desire for love and be loved sometimes been regarded as trivial stuff in today's busy life. But that is the singular thing you're constantly been drawn towards to and constantly trying to get away from, the trap to escape from. That's possibly the fundamental reason why pornography is such a huge industry. Because for a lot of men, sex is just too important to involve another person.

The things is though, Irish people are just far more emotional. They've included emotion in their culture. If you talk to an English person, you wouldn't know if he recently died a family or just got married. It's because of that English smile they carrying around all the time. "Hello, hello..." looks like there's Rockin-Oyster under their tongue, going, "Hello, Good morning, Don't touch me, Stay away. Don't get fucking too close, leave me alone. And Hi, Hello!" And it's either that or when they do become emotional, the emotion come out violently. They come in play football with you and they rip the shit out of stadium and they literally eat the fucking chairs.

The things is though, when you get to a certain point in your life, you get old. And people don't age well in this country. You look at those sturdy oceanic people never really feeble, they become tourists going around. You know these people who bicycling around in their red and yellow cagoule, pointing at cathedrals, with their springy white hair, their rim-less, lenses-less, glass-less spectacles, having a wonderful time, living on yogurt, and then go home having sex, even though they're about 83, or 100 years old.

The truth is that you don’t stay beautiful forever. It all goes away. So you have to learn to value different things. Everything gots taken away. I use to be a young man with a body. Not anymore, my nephew doesn't even respect me, he's only 11 years old, I see him I light up and go, "Hey! What's happening recently? What's going on in school? " And he doesn't even speak to me, he walks up to me and grabs the bottom of my stomach and goes, "Blar, blar, blar, blar...." And then walks away!

The whole point of television is to have people get addicted to, instead of depressed by their own lives, just in terms of distraction. I didn't know that until give up smoking and instantly hooked with TV. It revealed to me how exposed I was, cause the cigarette is a prop, something you depend upon. you putting it in your mouth all the time, it’s like a screen against the world, and so does television.

There was a time people were more honest about pleasure when they would creep up and pleasure in a very odd way. There's people out there called fairies, have you heard of them? They dress up as woodenly animals and they meet for tea and biscuits. I don't know if that's about sex, I hope so. I would like to see a giant rabbit fucked by a giant bunny, just as lousy as a real person. But within that relationship, you've gonna to be honest in the mature, you can't say to somebody, "I need you to dress up as a bird. This isn't working for me." They might have spent last three quarters of an hour to suit themselves into that bad costume. You should be respectful.

There was a young women outside the Airport, a while ago while I was there. She was on mobile phone and she would’ve been called a "Chaf". I don't use the word myself, I don't like it very much, but that's what she would've been called. She was a very big young woman, she was fat, I mean fat in a way that people choose not to be. You know, you need to be of a certain age to know what I'm talking about. Time wise, people be a bit fat, they run around skip few dinners, they go back to normal shape. Not this young woman. This was her generation type of shit-food fat. The fat isn't going anywhere without dynamite.

There was this enormous wave of anti-Americanism. Not sure when it started, but it goes on for years, and mainly just only in the world. Cause sometimes, American people got very worked up about this, and when they having the awe, they try to be rational, of course, they would say, “We are not sure about this Trump. It seems to be cynically motivated; It seems to be a national adventure; or just simple act of entertainment. Look, we’re not sure, we’re not sure. and and and and everybody is fat farting fucking racists!"

There was this huge sensation couple years ago, about this book, 50 Shades of Grey, still relevant even now. And people making noises think it's so disgusting, the idea that anybody would read it, I’m sure nobody here has, as if all those millions of copies sold were obviously brought by squirrels.

There're so much to talk about Russian right now, especially in Europe, and the world, and so on. But most of the time, in the West, people have very little information about Russian. All people really have is some literature in history, some movies for example, but movies are not very reliable.

There's a lot of pressure on you to find the right person. Cause we were told if you don't get the right person your life is fucked, the whole thing would be fucked, most of you did, which is rubbish. There's billions of you out there. We're all the fucking same. Isn't it? If it’s not him it’s her. Or if it’s not her, it’ll be them. Look, there're millions of people for everybody, absolutely more than enough.

There's a particular kind of American obviously. The kind that touring around in Scotland, who often for some reason, seem to be very generously proportioned. Cause I see them in museum blocking up the exhibits going, "What is this? Can we eat it? Where are we? Can we pee now?" And yet, when I went America found everything is competitive and fashionable, people are ultra thin and fit really. It made me think though, the Americans I've seen in Scotland must have been the ones that staying in apartments get food piped in and just directly shipped out across Atlantic.

There’re so many things you can do here in Sydney. You didn't have to come out here to torture yourself at all. It's not like where I used to stay in Scotland, season like this you'd have incessant rain that can last 3 and half weeks. Any given Friday night you'll have 55 guys running around a bar fighting over an empty bag of crisps. And you know, back there, people style their hair with buttermilk, and they're proud of having a golden teeth in between the family. And of course, it all then transformed after 2000 thousand years of that, the city suddenly become a kind of mesh of Barcelona and Tokyo. Everybody wants to going out with someone called Aneka.

These are the fashions that comes and go, but they put pressures on you to stay involved with what's happening, what's now, what's relevant, what's hip. I sometime felt you're not even allowed to be old anymore. That's the truth, look at the Media, everything is all about sex. Sexy gorgeous, sexy outfits, sexy dentures, sexy walking frames... Even 85 means nothing, you can get sexy makeups and yoga pants, of course it's gonna work, come on, let's go baby.

Things change, things got taken away. You get taught what you have to do, stuff you didn't plan on doing, like you have to go and see doctors, specialist. That happens. This is why older people often described as boring. Cause they always talk about things like that. If you ask them, "What did you do today?” They go, "Em... I went to the doctor. He said he have to take it out. I was gonna keep it but he wouldn't even give me a break ends." "Yeah. I know, dentist advises." "I have to get my front scraped". All that kind of stuff.

I think man can get very envious of woman, specially the sensitivity that woman have. You know, if a woman, girlfriend, wife, or female friend of yours says, "I'm just gonna go and see so on and so in the café, I'll be back in a bit." And when they come back and you say, "Well, so how was so and so?" She goes, "Oh. She's not so good, not so good, early sign of diabetes, and she's having an affair, which is you know, complex, and there's a very very good chance she's gonna loose her job as well." And you go, "Wow, that's incredible, you found all that out in 15 minutes, she told you all this?" "Oh, no no, She didn't say anything, but she didn't finish her tea."

This friend of mine whose disappointed by woman's reaction when he gave her girlfriend a present. I asked, "So, what was her reaction then?" He said "Well, you know. She said, 'Oh, I love this. This is really great. Thank you very much." But he wanted more. I mean in a matured relationship, that's already a fantastic reaction.

This is an incredible period of time in history, especially here, the great city, Sydney. Cause lot of focus is around this place as power hub. It's not just of centre of local area, NSW, Australia, but indeed the whole southern hemisphere, this is the most powerful place of this region. So, you people who live here, are all decision makers. You know that, you pretty much made up your mind about the rest of the World. You know what you should be think about the Asia, Europe, and the America, the North, you think they're all hilarious, why would anybody want live there, they're just places provides cultural experiences for holiday?

This is the age of spending, yeah! Have you seen people in the middle of Sydney driving around in those huge 4 by 4 vehicles, look like little houses on the move. You can't even see the people inside, cause they're just so high up. Men on the mobile phones going "Bla bla bla~~~" about money, while all ladies with roman catholic blond hair going "Hayi~hayi~hayi" as they plow through school children, roaring around, "Oaaaa~~~" up and down the high streets, hunting that ultimate handbags. So that they will have more space, to buy more shit and carry back to their houses.

This kind of non-profit benefits, this kind charitable events is the kind of things that eventually ends up in female pornography. Those magazines, you know, there's a lot of them around. A lot of these magazines are basically female pornography, directed towards women quite subtly. Look, female pornographies tend to be very subtle. Male pornography is very up front, very literal, tends to be genital based, young women exposing themselves so that you can see right up to them, actually see the sky as if seeing through their own eye balls.

Trying to realise your own potential is not going to make you happy. It only depresses you when you find out how little you've got. You don't want find out that the most you can possibly achieve, if you give it all, if you harvest every scrap of energy within you, and devote yourself to improve yourself, that all you would possibly get to, would be maybe eating less cheese next time. Nobody needs to know this.

Typically, when English people getaway, you can recognise them very easily. You know, they go to France, or Spain, or Italy, they can comfortably blend into the environment, you wouldn't even know they were there. Sitting in café, enjoying the atmosphere, talking to the waitress, going "What you mean there’s no fucking chips? I'm coming here for holiday, what do you mean you cannot visa. We've got children here. What am I suppose to deal with this fucking tomato fiasco? What is that? Your sub-standard dim-witted services... We're leaving..."

We need everybody, from everywhere, all the voices of everywhere.

We still have this stigma about hotel room that lower your morale. Well you can't help it and I will tell you why. It's because all the buttons. I mean everything else are just decorations, but you see the buttons of picture with a guy holding plate. when you push it, and he arrives with sandwich. And you think, "Yes. Yes! Yes!! I control the sandwich monkey! I'm live in the magic land, magic land, magic land!!”

We're all been judged by something, be it god, yourself, or someone else. Maybe you are lucky enough in a relationship then you'll be judged by your partner. So the point is we're all judged by something. Gay or any other 71 gender options on Facebook are all the same to me, cause I was grown up in a conservative environment, so I can't help thinking conservatively. You know whenever I see a young gay guy arguing with a bishop about gay rights, gay marriage. I can't help it but alway tend to agree more with the person who wasn't dressed like a wizard. Cause they felt attached to larger reality somehow. Never had a chance myself choosing your own sex, or to be inspired by 300 year old man dressed in gold, purple, and green, and with incredible beautiful hair.

When people gets older, they start telling themselves bullshit just to keep going! Cause you're constantly being reminded how redundant you are! How the fuck am I suppose to feel about that eggplants message when I can't even understand what it means.

When relationship gets across certain point, you just don’t know what to give each other for anniversaries any more. Cause you’ve been together for so long. It’s not like when you just meet, you go, “There you go, some cotton socks, or whatever it is. It'd be fine. cause back then you're young, stupid, and romantic enough put up with anything. And if you're bit imaginative, you can just roll on top one another, open your mouth, rubies fall out. Things like that can last a while. But once you got to ambiguous middle-age, nobody even know what they're supposed to celebrate for. 10 years, 15 years, 20 years along line, people go "There you go, this is the remote control covered in Nutella, I thought you’d enjoy that."

When you approach middle aged man, you'll become a kind of soft, comfortable guy with fears. By some definition not even a man anymore, you know, in the ways that medias and films defined for us. So what will happen is that you get yourself addicted to violent movies, like Matt Damon, Jason Stathan and so on, cause you've got find a way to outsource your masculinity.

When you get mature, what's odd is that things get taken away from you are normally things you don't expect. People talk about it all day, show you faded photos of grandmother standing in front old house, smiling fondly, with children and dogs, and weed field and so on. They probably fucked up their mind, had no clue where they’re, that's why they look so surreal.

When you mature you lose so much of that natural human panache children have. If you ask a child go to bed and put that against whatever they want to do and emphasise it, they'll say, "I hate you! I really hate you!!" as they scratching their asses with toy elephant. Now, if you could retain that sense of self in your adult life, you got totally different experience. Right, at work, telling your boss, "I hate you!" while scratching your ass with a coffee cup, "I really do, everyday is the same fucking shit, I don't know why I keep coming back!" It's just difficult to keep hold of though.

When you mature, you'll get more baggages and less and less tolerable to things, like... I don't care if people judge me, but what I quite like is to get a couple of chorizo sausages with hardboiled eggs sliced on the side with no fucking vegetables, I just feel like that, you know... You've gotta to be aware what you enjoy.

When you reach certain age, you'll somehow agree that certainly you deserve respect from younger people. But they don't even aware you're there, let along decide whether they should respect you or not, cause they are too fucking busy with machines, gadgets, internet, and so on.

When you young, you don’t know anything, all you know is romance, that’s the easy stuff.

Whenever someone told me they're having snow for holiday, I just cannot help but thinking that why would anybody want go for ski? You could sit comfortably in your own kitchen and break your knees with a harmer. What is the human impose? What's wrong with these people?

With Trump nowadays, America is surprising us every morning. But even before that I was having trouble comprehend them. One thing I never really understand is American's reaction to Bin Laden's assassination. It wasn't very politically mature I think, cause what they really did as a country, was to go [gay voice] "Oh yeah~ He's dead~ You look at him~ With bullets in his head~ He's so dead~ He's dead forever~" and that reaction, to me, somehow suggested the kind of people who haven't really considered the idea of been bombed again.

With feminism going on today people often forget how easy it is to feel quite vain as a man. Sometimes you see yourself in a shower or after a bath, look at the mirror you think, "Oh, my god, look at that! What the fuck is that? I used to be man-shaped. Now I am just a random bag of tits!" Then you go to the person you live with and says "What you doing with me? Why are you with me? You're such a beautiful feminine person, what are you doing with somebody like me? Is this a fucking experiment or what?"

Without doubt, love is very deceptive thing, because there are all sorts of different types of love. You might falling in love with somebody just because they’re beautiful. But even that could have so many different varieties. Cause somebody could be just kind of make you want to applaud as they walking pass by, you think "Oh, Well done, you're a very good looking human being, good job, keep it up, here, have a budge, you deserve it." And then there’s another type of love emotions by lust and desire, you know, when you see somebody and you just want take off your cloths, but you're immobilised with painful desire, so you have to ring a pal to come around to help with your trousers. And then there's a very weird kind of love, when you see somebody who's exclusively beautiful that all you want to do all day is sitting there generating saliva while staring at her... But that doesn't happen to me that seldom.

Woman pick up things in a completely different way that alienating man considerably often. Cause woman would say things like "Oh, I knew she was depressed." "Why?" "She didn't finish her tea." "What..." Man need more evidence, "I knew he was bit off line, his head was on fire. Hahaha~"

Woman remembers. We have a thing called history, that's because we have women, they remember everything with all kinds of memories, short, medium, long, they've got it all. A woman can remember something you've said 17 years ago! And the thing that's just happened which normally oblivouse to you. A woman would say, 'You've tried that yesterday, didn't work, then either!'

Woman sometimes laugh at other woman who goes out dressed on a Friday or Saturday night, in string. They think that's all very funny. But I reckon there's a very good reason for that. It's because that girl from Glasgow or Aberdeen or whatever, has to get through the winter and the dark, the things that you know nothing about it. Well, say what you may, but winter is not coming here. People don't event have concept of snow, the closest you can come to get is some over-production of cream-cheese people left outside. Australians here don't know about suffering.

Women are misrepresented in a lots of ways. Especially, young man are full of nonsense about women nowadays, because all the medias, particularly the pornography, which is part of the reality now. I didn’t know about pornography when I was growing up, it didn’t exist in my world. Somebody had a picture of a woman's ass, it was a huge deal. People will start arrange affairs, putting up power surge, the infrastructure. Now, you wake up in morning and go, "Take the annal wallpaper away! I just want some Weet-bix please."

Women are much more supportive to one another around children. If a woman gets pregnant, other women pitch in, and they sort of talk about it, in a far more useful way in a sense.

You cannot expect to have people relaxed if you gonna treat them as if in cookery programs, with frills like starters and appetites. You gonna give people descent simple fair. Here is my traditional classic recipe, OK. It's very simple, you don't freak people out, you feed them and then you talk.

Look your ego function is at its best when you are alone. Well, actually, not when you alone, by yourself, it doesn't functioning at all, but only when you're alone with somebody else, as they try to invade your loneliness by talking to you. You know, when you argue with somebody who you live with, somebody who is lucky enough live with you. As soon as they give you any gibberish, that's the moment when your ego function kick into it’s zone.

You have to be honest about pleasure, otherwise you'll go strange, turn into one of those people you don't like, like one of your friends who'd ring you up and say, "Hi, how’re you?" you go "I'm alright, and you?" and they go “I'm fine, hm~hm~hm~" and you think, "No you're not fucking fine, you're making very inappropriate noise on the phone. You need to sleep with trees today."

You know one of those cool kid, always urge you to keep up with cool shit, telling you what show is cool, which coffee is cool, or where the cool shit is happening, “Have you see the new Scandinavian crime series?” “I haven’t. No.” “Oh! It’s brilliant, they speaking Finnish, it translates to hot. It’s about this three detective fisherman got trapped in a cabin over the winter, they’re all fall in love with each other. One of them went deaf, because it’s so cold. The other one gets fat, that's how cold it is. And the other one is narcoleptic and insomnia spent the whole season just doing this, [hands shaking up and down], lasted for about a year and half, you have to see it in the original, otherwise you lose all the nowaganac, which is Finnish for nuance." I've always try to steer away from these cool bastards.

You know that book came out couple of years ago, it was very famous. Well, it was around for a while now, for a long time actually. And the movie has just out recently. And when it just came out I thought it'd be one of those fashions soon go away but it didn’t. So I got very intrigued, I went down to a book shop and read a little bit of it, standing there. Oh, yeah, it was called 50 Shades of Grey.

You know when mid-age comes, it's suddenly when you realised you are seriously uncool. That’s how the age functions. Everything is sort of same, year after year, for ages. It’s like you’re stand there talk to your friends going “Yeah, yeah, anyway, we did this, we did that…” You know while Madonna is there, reassuringly in the background going “like a virgin~” some of these, and then you turn around, suddenly it’s Eminem going “You better never let it go~” a totally different kind of poetry.

You see these people talking in fancy restaurant with their dignity and honour. Decent conversations they are talking about things, maybe they don't really understand will find out later, as they getting older with everything that happen to them. They have to go to bed at night, until years and years later, be able to achieve a kind of real intimacy. Cause I think you have to know somebody very well to be able to say

You will notice though, the kind of people who turned to Jesus, tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else, like some of the people who are here for instance. Cause they say to themselves, "Well, I can't get it right in this lifetime, but in the next life, it will be all right, the spiritual after-life." Which makes no sense to me at all, really.

You will want to get a dog when you reach certain point in your life. I can't even believe I'm talking to you about this, but it is what happens. I remember been a young man walking around my hometown and seeing those old middle-aged guys with a dog, walking the dog, everybody looks so sad. Now it's time for me to walk a dog. Cause you can't help but have a relationship with the dog. The idea is that any animal when you open the front door and it runs up to you and stick its face under your crotch, you're bascially having a intimate relationship with it, and eventually start to care about it.

You've got to remember at 25, you've got fucking everything. Yah!? You're young, you're beautiful, you're stupid. What more do you want? That's as good as you gets. You wake up in the morning, you can do whatever you want. You look at your breakfast you go, “I’ll just eat this and walk around, and talking shit all day long, then I'll find somebody to go to bed with him." And you do, even though it was just a Wednesday.

Young people don't really think about death at all, cause they've got the intelligence of a raspberry jam. But this thing, the death, as if a metaphor will always make you do things.

Young people in gap-year go overseas for no real reason, sometimes, stupid reasons as well. "So where're you going?" “Brazil." "You bastard, why?" "'Well, Cause they have snake there. What it does is they pretend to be sleep, and when the monkeys come over, and they fuck them and eat them." and you think "Well, have a great time in rainforest with malaria."

Young people out there don't know how to be alone anymore. Cause when they're alone, they mess around a computer. The other day, I said to my nephew, “What you doing Saturday night?" he went "Oh, I'm downloading a picture of a squid." "Why?!" "Well, I didn't have one before.” And when young people talking to you, they mess around a phone. "What is this?" "Oh, it's just an app." "OK, what does it do?" "It measures the distance between me and sadness." "What is wrong with you?" "Here's different one, I'm doing different one now." "What does that one do then?" "Oh, it can tell me the tipping point of your patience."

Your entire life is about put things in your mouth. Cause the mouth is just such a good place to put things in. The ear, you can kill half an hour, putting things in your ear, tops really. If you're with another person, maybe two hours, tops. But once one of you had dual dark draw up there, and the other one has the twang, it’s time to hit the town and get lunch.