English

We need everybody, from everywhere, all the voices of everywhere.

Australians really, are all came from Irish prisoners. And that because English people sent them here a long long time ago. Cause English are very good at things like founding colonies. It must because of the voice, that English voice.

But Australians are really came from Irish prisons. And that was because English sent them here a long, long time ago. And the English are very good at that, you know, founding colonies and so on. A lot of it just because of the voice, the English voice. You never see Irish people starting a colony and so on. Cause they wouldn't turn up on time. English would say 'We'll go over there. It’s got loads of stuff. Are you coming on boat tomorrow?' The Irish guy will say, 'Well, yeah, OK. I'll just go and meet my brother for a quick drink, and pick up some knitting things... I will be there, surely....' You know they will never fucking show up.

Don't they always say that Irish people have the reputation of being charming. Of course, they do, believe it or not. But do you know all that is about? It’s because they never give you the truth. If you say to an Irish 'Where is the chair I asked you to make me?' They'll go “Emm... My brother, he had a fine singing voice, but he fell down a hole once. Have you met my sister? Here, have a sausage." They just simply don't answer your question.

English are very good at funding colonies, claiming territories and so on, because they have that voice. English can go anywhere in the world, doesn't matter if it's Africa or Australia, their conversation with indigenous people typically goes like this.

English don't give a shit, they're not bailing anybody out, it's the English mind, you don't give a fuck. English made up their minds about the whole world long before second world war. Cause England was an empire, people still remember the rule Britannia, what Britain did, rule the waves before it became a permanently mourned prisoner boat full of disaffected. And now, they're rather inflated. Britain used to be an empire and now becomes the 11th nation that everybody in the world laughs at.

Everybody on this planet is learning English, which is great for me. But there’s a particular kind of English that they’re learning. It is the American English a lot of time, even my Scottish nephew speaks American English. Last time I said to him "What're you gonna do on Saturday?" And he says “I'm will be with my friends." As if it's just one word.

I remember once I was in Glasgow at this bottle shop buying some peanuts, just try to blend in with local Scottish woman and children. And there was this young man in front of me very friendly with a whole case of Vodka bounced on his stomach. And he turned around to me and he said “Ahginu#$@hagiahenh#$%". I didn't quite understand what was the offer, but that doesn't stop you joining in the conversation. You just put up your very best middle-class smile, you know, you go “Ha~ha~ha~ha~ha~". He could be asking me anything! I don't know!! It felt kind of abusive smile already. Cause smile is important should be useful, especially when you're really mean something. I think what I really meant was more of "Ha~Ha~Ha~ Please don't kill me, I', just offering trained smile".

If you want the real understanding of pleasure, you've got to see the twisted attitude towards pleasure of an English person. Because they’re very strange, they can got very coy and very childish around pleasure at the same time. For instant, if you offer an English person something extra in a plate, they'll go, "Ho~ho~ho~ho~ Well then... If it’s gotta be a little bit naughty. Oh~God~ then I’ll have a nibble." And you think, it's just a fucking bun, eat it! I’m not offering you my flash fried bacon over here.

lots of Scottish people here in this country. You know the voice, you've heard the sound, very easy to understand. Before I moved to Australia, the last place I was in is Glasgow. I was at an off-license buying some cigarettes, you know, just the appropriate way to blend in with the local women and children. And there was a young man in front of me very friendly with a whole case of scotch bounced on his stomach. And he turned around to me and he went “Ahginu#$@hagiahenh#$%". Well, I didn't quite know what was the offer. But that doesn’t stop you joining in the conversation, yeah? You just take out your very best mid-class smile, you go “Ha~ha~ha~ha~ha".

Scottish people are just far more hot-blooded cause emotion is included in their culture. It's not like talking to an English person, you don't know if he's recently died a family or just got married. It's all caused by that English smile, especially when they're saying "Hello, hello..." As if there's rockin-oyster under their tongue. "Hello, Good morning, Don't touch me, Stay away. Hi, Hello!" And it's either that or the emotion come out with ultimate violence, they come in play football with you and rip the shit out of the stadium and they eat the chairs.

The sounding of English voice are very generally very good at persuading people. Cause they can go anywhere in the world, doesn't matter it's South Africa, or North America, or middle of Australia, wherever there's aboriginal people they'd say, 'What's your name?' 'Hello, hello...' 'I'm Fuboo... Hello, how are you? hello, hello, em, listen, Fuboo, Fubyy, I've got some bits here in my pocket. Would you like to see them? Would you like? Listen, it's got the click clanky sound... Look, Aren't they pretty? Aren't they sweet? Now, you keep those; you have those; you enjoy those; walk away, they're yours! And I’ll just have from where you are standing to the horizon. Thank you very much.’ That's what English voice are good at, persuasive.

Typically, when English people getaway, you can recognise them very easily. You know, they go to France, or Spain, or Italy, they can comfortably blend into the environment, you wouldn't even know they were there. Sitting in café, enjoying the atmosphere, talking to the waitress, going "What you mean there’s no fucking chips? I'm coming here for holiday, what do you mean you cannot visa. We've got children here. What am I suppose to deal with this fucking tomato fiasco? What is that? Your sub-standard dim-witted services... We're leaving..."

English are the people who had empire, three cornered hats, long straws, everybody walking around says, "Spot gold mine in South Africa, we need import more cats. Where are we invading now?" And they still doing that, still bombing countries that have nothing, while they're having everything, heated towel rails, nipple rings, shortbread, and Nando's or whatever. And you are bombing countries have sand! That's all they have.

Sydney always supply tourists experience with different accents. You don't need to travel to hear different voices. I found rather amazing about accent, particularly it's very easy to recognise your own kind, you could hear them from miles away.

That's not prejudice,  that's just observation. The thing is some people are very bigoted I think. Cause I have lots of local friends who're very dear to me. And I realise this recently that when I talking to them, they do a lovely thing to me, they impersonate me as they're conversing with me.

The things is though, Irish people are just far more emotional. They've included emotion in their culture. If you talk to an English person, you wouldn't know if he recently died a family or just got married. It's because of that English smile they carrying around all the time. "Hello, hello..." looks like there's Rockin-Oyster under their tongue, going, "Hello, Good morning, Don't touch me, Stay away. Don't get fucking too close, leave me alone. And Hi, Hello!" And it's either that or when they do become emotional, the emotion come out violently. They come in play football with you and they rip the shit out of stadium and they literally eat the fucking chairs.